Album Review: MissMeloVi- C'estLaVi

Christian Urban Pop may have found it’s sound in Melody Vinett, aka MissMeloVi. The Tulsa, OK native and product of gospel super group 1G.O.P. releases a debut album Cest La Vi [say-lah-vee] (french for This is Life) that may have laid the blueprint for the crossover Pop Gospel genre.

Sitting concise at nine tracks, and having written all of the songs, MissMeloVi kicks off with a hip-hop smash in Let’s Go and doesn’t stop displaying her versatility and ear for musicianship until the albums end. Whether it is the subtle funk switch up in the bass line of Nostalgia’s bridge, the thumping synthesizers of More or the rock influenced guitar and drums of Superhero, the substance in Cest La Vi perpetuates multiple listens. Credit is also due to upcoming producers Bryant “B Priest” Hamilton, Antjuan “Grand Finale” Robinson, and Michael Todd for creating sounds that allowed MeloVi to flow through and combine genres effortlessly without getting lost.

Leave a Message and Counterfeit are anthems that encourage pride, self confidence and the ability to walk away from unbeneficial relationships and situations. The melodies themselves are as infectious as the voice that navigates them, and the beats are knocking as well. In the grand scheme of the musical landscape MissMeloVi presents an uplifting view of even the negative aspects of life and love that is a breath of fresh air compared to the jadedness of most R&B sirens. If this is the life MissMeloVi is presenting, I hope the world is ready to take note.

To My Independent Women

I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
 - Fact Is (I Need You)Jill Scott

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night who was telling me that one of his goals is to get a to a point where his woman will not have to work anymore. He talked about how he mentioned this to a few women at his job and they were so appalled and offended at the fact that he wouldn't want his lady to work. As if that is a bad thing. The conclusion that we came to, is that a feminist culture has so permeated our society that women not only don't expect chivalry, they shun it.

We live in a new age, where women are independent professionals who can earn their own money, own their own homes, and drive their own Benz, all without a man. However, these same women complain about the lack of men that approach them, not realizing that a man's instinctive nature is to take care of his woman, so if I see that you have all this, what do you need me for? Now I know this might seem sexist, but ultimately it's true ladies. If you can get everything you want without a man, and boast about it, then we start to think, this lady doesn't need me. We want to give you the world, if you already own it when we come along, then what is there left to give you?

Now, I'm not naive. These are mostly material things, however some women have been single so long, they don't know how or when to let a brotha in. They want to be quick to show what they have accomplished, but thing is, we don't care. When men are looking for wives, we're not looking for is she a professional. Does she have 401k? What model and year is her car? NOPE. We look at a few things. Can she cook? Is she sexy? Will she be a good mother? Those are the assets. Everything else u bring to the table is great, but those are the main things we look for because ultimately a man says, I don't care if you got three degrees, I want to take care of you baby. I want to provide for you. I want to build this castle for you. Let me.

There is a reason why the damsel in distress is an everlasting tale. It's because we love to rescue, and be a hero for our ladies. It's not an ego thing. It's a man thing. Read about it in Wild at Heart by John Eckeridge. It's just how we're wired. If you are expecting a man to ignore how he's wired and applaud your accolades, well, it could happen, but even that man will want you to know that ultimately he wants to provide for you. I don't applaud ladies giving up the milk without making men buy the cow, but if you show up with your own pasture of cows, hows that a good look?

Think about it ladies, let men be men. It's not that men are intimidated, they just don't see where they fit in your life. 

Would You Like Cheese on That? Preferences vs Requirements

So I've been stirring up a lot of dust on Twitter lately. Basically I've run into a few women who are taller than the average height, who say that it is a REQUIREMENT for the man they date to be taller than them, with heels on. Now this as a preference doesn't bother me, but a requirement? Cmon. So i proceeded to antagonize, as I do, and ultimately lost the argument. However, I wanted to take the time to defend my argument of preferences vs requirements.

That these women wanted a tall man doesn't bother me, even though I'm only 5'7" I'm good. Well, I'm already married too so...anyway, my wife last night asked me what was wrong with their preference, and she brought up an interesting point. She said, "Well, you wouldn't date a tall woman, so why you tripping?" I thought about it for a second and realized there was a time when I would've felt insecure about a tall woman, nowadays it don't matter to me. However, I still prefer my woman around my height.
Hypocritical? I think not. Here's the difference. While I would not initially PURSUE a tall woman, if I met one, and the chemistry was there, and she was fine, I wouldn't dismiss it JUST BECAUSE she is tall. Now do I prefer them shorter? Yes. I married short. HOWEVER, if I was single, and I vibe with a woman who was taller than me, as a man, I'm going to say let's at least give it a shot. Now if things don't work b/c of this issue or others, then at least I tried. That's the difference.

A preference is something you'd like to have, like wanting cheese on a hamburger. A requirement is something that is nonnegotiable. So if I brought you a hamburger but forgot the cheese, you'd toss it in the trash because your hamburgers MUST have cheese. I find this ridiculous. If you like burgers, you like burgers, and if you didn't get cheese doesn't mean the burger won't be good. This may be the best cheese-less burger you ever had, but you missing out, AND you're still hungry to boot. Doesn't make sense does it?

Why am I championing this cause when I'm married you say? Mostly to be antagonistic and stir up dialogue. In the end, I can't really care because I'm taken. However, if I was a short single brotha, and I approached a member of the Tulsa Shock, I'd be ticked if she dissed me JUST BECAUSE I'm short. Feels kinda shallow to say it's a requirement. What do y'all think? Comment and respond.

Hell Hath No Fury




Soulful? Yes. Sane? No.

 

Alright so keeping it real today. Something that's been on my mind this

week and I gotta get it out. Jaded women. I'm talking about women who

have been in relationships that weren't the best and instead of seeking

healing and all that, they choose instead to say, men ain't nothing.

They all the same and if a man was a real man he'd know when he found a

real woman, i.e. herself. I'm here to say, as sympathetic as I am to

the situation, and sorry for your heartache, give me a break.

Now, I'm a man, this is obvious, so I know my opinion on this subject

is probably skewed, HOWEVER, as a man who has been on both sides of a

bad relationship, I've gotta say that I see NO PRODUCTIVE REASON AT ALL

for a woman staying jaded about relationships. Hurt, OK. Upset, maybe,

but to just proclaim a curse on all the male species is beyond me.

What gets me the most is how many of these women are in the church,

where forgiveness and restoration is preached consistently. It's easy

to feel justified in your actions but when it's time for you to forgive

a man, suddenly there are a million reasons why you feel he doesn't

deserve that benefit. Like y'all roses don't smell like boo-boo. The

kicker is, forgiveness is for YOU, not the man. Forgiveness helps you

heal, and women say they know this, but its always on some I'll forgive

but I won't forget. Which makes it worse if you choose to stay in a

relationship where heartbreak occurred because you hold that sword over

dude's head until he can't take it anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is ladies, LET IT GO! Get your cry on, pick up

your nail, and head to the cross. I'm not being insensitive, I promise,

consider this as a doctor telling you to wrap your broken leg in a cast

so it can heal properly rather than drag it around while trying to live

your life as if your leg isn't broken. It's broken, I'm sorry, now

let's take the steps to get it mended. Or let it stay broken, and

wonder why you can't move forward. *kanyeshrug*

Fred Hammond on Song Writing

Short post today. So, Sunday night I was up on twitter and one of the gospel greats of our time, and one of the best song writers, happened to be on there as well, he started dropping knowledge about songwriting and techniques and I was able to ask a few questions that he actually responded to. Just thought I'd share with you guys(at least I think I'm sharing with someone). Ladies and gentleman, Fred Hammond:

"Song writers, the way I developed my song writing skill was when I heard beautiful or powerful moments in a song I'd dissect it and get the heart of it or DNA of it & apply the principle of the moment to my writing style. [For example] "I need you more than want you, & i want you for all time"  A very, very simple statement but the back end of the statement "want you for all time" brings the reality of how deep the love is, but keeps the simplicity of the moment.

The whole song is very honest (in its tone) but the describers are very Vivid. I love moments like that, they help my Pen.

The DNA of that moment helps me write moments like "Lost in You Again", "my (SEARCH) will not end till I (FIND ) myself (LOST) in You again." Finding one self lost is usually not a great feeling, but Finding my self lost in the Heart of God. Like imagine I'm free falling, deeper, and deeper into His heart, like i jumped out of an airplane at 40,000 feet with no chute. That's the lost I'm talking about.

SO THEN I ASKED: Are those the same aspects applied when you wrote Hear My Cry and Simply Put?

HIS REPLY:
@lraywill Hallerin Hill & I were fighting back Tears in Ihop while we were writing the Lyrics to that song.  We were Moments away from embarrassing ourselves. It was Saturday morning... Ihop...

There you go fam, straight from one of the greats. I love when an artist tells the meaning or moments behind a song, because it gives the music context and perspective and makes me listen with new ears. Just reading those tweets reawakened the songwriter in me. I think a new era is about to begin.

Chasing Dreams: Faith Without Work

^{James 2:26} Just as the body is dead without breath,^[d] so also faith is dead without good works.

So Saturday night I had a few transparent moments on Twitter. A little bit of background, I was on the net and came across a website owned by a friend of mine that I went to college with back in 2001. He owns his own event planning business, does modeling, etc. He had a picture of himself and his bio on the About Me page and all I could do was be jealous of his success.

This jealousy propelled me into a depressing, self-loathing, God blaming tirade that lasted until Sunday morning. The basic premise of which was, the church has made us lazy by dangling the purpose and destiny carrot in front of us, but rarely are we seeing results. If i'm busy dreaming and believing, I'm not working, and therefore not getting the things I'm supposedly destined to achieve. Man how I was wrong.

It's amazing how a simple word from the Lord can change your whole perspective. Sunday morning Pastor Mike Todd (WHO WE BE? So F.L.Y) preached a simple message, but one that shattered my whole world. Faith without works is dead.

Simple Right? See the thing is, in my heart, I had challenged God that night. Basically what is the point of me living this life if success is only a mirage in a desert of trials? But like Job when he questioned the Lord, God brought the answer straight from His word, to my level. How dare I question Him and his method, when I had put NO WORK to my faith? I claim that all these years I been believing God to take me places, but if I really believed I'd have been preparing myself to get there right? It's not God's fault that I've been twiddling my thumbs while believing for the miraculous to fall out of the sky. It's mine. SO the things I want, I should pursue. God chasers can indeed be Dream chasers. In fact, that's the way it's supposed to be.

So no more wistful dreaming. TIme to put the plow to work. Leggo.

Dichotomy of a Man

A little personal today. Sometimes I feel like there's two Me's. There's the creative, poetic, artistic, L.O.G.O.S.(new stage name, trying it out) and then there is Laurent. I'll explain.

The creative me, also known as Squeak in my head, is lively, listens to soul music, appreciates and loves art, and writes. Man does he write. I love this cat, and when I'm in that mode, i feel like i can do anything. 

Then there is Laurent. Husband, father, man of God, you know all that. Works the 9-5 and supports the fam. Tries to be a good husband and father, and walk by integrity. I love this guy too because of the personal rewards (and the not going to hell factor). The problem I'm having is that it seems i either feel like one, or the other. Rarely both.

I feel most times that I have to suppress my artistic side and try REALLY hard to be just Laurent. L.O.G.O.S comes natural. It just flows (C)Tonex. Laurent at times feels forced. Like i have to make a cognizant effort to be this person and that discourages me, and makes me jaded at times, moody, and a little depressed. I'm still searching for a way to merge the two people, or if that is even possible  to do, but my biggest fear is that one day I'm gonna have to give up one, and since there is much more at stake for the family man, it will obviously be Mr. Creativity. Don't know if I'll be ready when that day comes.

Thing i can't figure out is which "me" is essential to me achieving my purpose. At times I feel one or the other, but rarely both. I can't decide if it's me being unable to decide who i want to be, or if it's because I'm supposed to fuse them into one. What do y'all think?

Church: Good Place to Mate?

So...yeah. I'm back. I always get this urge to blog like every few months so I keep my account open so I can just jump back into it whenever I get the urge. I know, not the most dedicated stance but it my stance nonetheless.

Anyway, after some insightful Twitter discussions on relationships and their relevance in the church, I thinking may have come to one conclusion.  I'm starting to think the church is not the best place to meet a mate. Now I'm not saying its a bad place, and you definitely should make sure your spiritual priorities line up, what I am saying is that there are a few factors that may inhibit you meeting the person you'd like to meet. Here are a few:

1. The Glory Goggles

 Glory Goggles are what I call the view everyone looks at everyone in church initially.  Since we're both in church we are obviously both spiritual or at least pious right? Wrong. There's some crazy folks at church and just because you see someone ushering, or helping out in the children's ministry doesn't mean that they got it all together. In fact, I'd venture to say that the church consists mostly of people who don't have it together, because that's what it's for. The Glory Goggles however, hide, or ignore all of this. You see me suited and booted, praising my way through the storm and assume I'm a prime candidate for matrimony. In actuality, I'm unemployed, have three babies mommas and live at my mom's crib. Glory Goggles.

2. The Ratio of M/W

This is something that has bothered me lately. The ratio of women to men in the church. Now, I'm married, and most of the guys I know who go to church are married as well, yet most of the women i know who go to church I know are single. What does this tell me? Two things: 1) If a man wanted to be a player (and some do) he could have a field day in the church because a. the women are all looking for husbands and b. there's a plethora of choices and opportunities. At a church big enough a brother could have four options in four different corners of the church. 2) Men are not seeing the value of being apart of church mainly until they get families and have someone to provide and example for. When a man sees his wife and kids needing him to step up, then it's like, "I gotta get my act together", and for black men, church is the place to start getting your act together. However, if you're a single woman and you're in church, you don't have many options. Most men go to church for personal reasons, not to look for women. The men who look for women, soon realize the plethora of opportunities,  and ends up running between women unable to decide. And the women allow this because, well, there aren't very many opportunities and church hugs can only be satisfactory for so long.

3. Lack of Common Interests Outside of Church

This reason may be the most important one. Here's a scenario: Woman meets man at church, woman and man both serve on hospitality team and have worked together in various outreach functions where they both secretly pretended to be on a date with each other. Man decides to pursue woman, and they start to date. Here is the problem. Up until now they have only seen, spoken and spent time together at church. So now seeing each other in the outside world, the Glory Goggles are off and they realize that they have nothing in common. He likes to go to action movies and play video games. She likes sitting at Barnes and Nobles or Starbucks people watching and reading novels. She likes Tyler Perry. He hates Tyler Perry. See where this is going? BUT they both like church. And they both love Jesus and their both ready to settle down so they figure they can work out the other issues (which is really woman-speak for "I'll change him") and still make it work because the Lord is on their side. And this may be true. But not wise. Without common interests, what do you talk about at home? What do you talk about out to eat? What do you do together that you both enjoy other than praise and worship? See what I mean? Not saying it can't work, but it'll be difficult. And when the lack of outside interests began to outweigh your church participation, look out.

Hope this wasn't too long, and obviously there's a tongue in cheek humor here, but you get my drift. Do you think the church is a good place to meet people? Share.

It is Finished

I know it's been a minute but I've been pouring my time into family and making my life more consistent. I've also been honored to use my gift in the past few weeks on the stage at Greenwood so that's been a blessing for me as well.

The next thing I'll be doing to honor the Lord on on this, Holy Week, will be as a poet apart of the Seven Saying of Christ service. Each of us have one of the seven last saying and I got, It Is Finished. I can't begin to describe how much this pushed me to really dig into what Christ did on the cross for us, and how important, and consequently unimportant certain things are in our lives. So I pose this question to myself and anyone reading.

How bad do you want to be whole? How important are your idiosyncrasies and hang ups that you really want to hold on to them rather than experience the life of freedom provided for us by Christ's salvation? I'll end off with an excerpt from the piece I plan to perform:

"...Choosing to embrace my debauchery
and enjoy the forbidden pleasures
of my secret sins,
i was determined to forfeit my chance
at greatness
for a moment of fleeting carnality."

Is that you?

Peninsula, Maybe

I've learned a lot about myself in the last year. Primarily my co-dependence on friends that has made me weak. I guess I was too busy being a friend, worrying about those relationships that I never paid attention to my own decencies in the character department. Or maybe I hoped to subconsciously live vicariously through those I thought better than me. In any event, the results have been negative to say the least.

They say no man is an island. What if he's forced to be one? How many relationships should a man force or pursue that yield no dividends, in the name of accountability or camaraderie? How long should I try in vain to be apart of something or build something with people who don't share the same interests or intentions? I'm starting to think that being an island is the only way to survive. Hawaii is an island and they get along great. People forget about them until they want to get away for vacations or until hurricanes hit. Sounds a lot like once going on with me right now. Unless there's a crisis, or someone needs to get away from their own problems, there's no need for interaction.  Which is cool I guess. I get a chance to get to know me even better.

So this is the evolution into manhood, huh. This is putting our childhood things behind us. This is growing up. Selah.

Rejection

It hurts to be rejected. I've experienced it time and again and it's something that you never really get used to. I just got rejected for a job that I was sure I had locked. I was all faithed up on this one. Really confessing and making plans to move from the old job to the new one. Lord knows I needed it. Finances are rough right now and things arent looking easier. I saw this job as a way to ease that. Maybe that was the problem.

I was looking to this job as my sustenance when I should have really placed that faith in God. I can't help feeling like I'm not good enough, but I know that wasn't the case. Maybe the job wasn't what I thought it would be. Maybe God saved me from a worse situation. Either way, part of faith is accepting what comes as God's ultimate plan. Nothing more, Nothing less.

Searching Inside Myself, For Myself

I am a poet
I did not choose to be
I just AM
It was thrust upon me
birthed inside of me
planted in a garden
of creativity
I am not always
cognizant of it
i am not always
sure of it
i do not always
embrace it,
but it is
and so am I
a poet

Selah

Simon Says Shift

Man. It has been a minute! Apparently the last time I blogged here was at the end of 2009. Then i went on to have the WORST year of my life yo. To sum it up, I almost destroyed my marriage, lost my family, and ruined my career. All through bad and selfish decisions.

But enough about that. I'm back now. New and better than ever. Finally tapping into the purpose that God put me on this earth and it feels good. A lot has changed in the last  year. I'm responsible now. I'm a good father and husband, active in my kids lives. Almost losing everything meant that I had to make some decisions about whether I wanted to grow up or keep playing around with my life.

Which brings me to my last point. Last night at church Simon T. Bailey, author of Release Your Brilliance, spoke and he killed it! I've been walking around wondering what has been holding me back in life, and now I'm realizing that it has been me! A disbelief in who God says I am, and in my ability has caused me to underachieve all my life. Well I'm puttin it to an end in 11. Time to make moves. Let's GO.

21 DAYS

So, along with Every Man's Battle. I'm also reading a book for Discovery 2 class, called The Greatest Secret by Rob McIntosh. The basic premise of the book is changing your thinking based on the God's Law of Attraction.  In the third chapter it talks about the ability to form positive habits in a 21 day time period. So i decided to set a few goals for myself in an attempt to jumpstart positive effects in my life.


I'm not the smallest guy, and it has been a concern for me that my health will cause me to not live as long or as abundantly as I could. So the next twenty one days I'm dedicating to improving my health status. Exercise five days a week. Controlled portions of food. And water.


I don't plan to stop at 21 days but I figure setting a short term goal and expanding it is the way to go. I'm putting practical application to the theory I'm reading so it should be good. Wish me luck.

Kahlil Gibran on Marriage

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

I read this passage from The Prophet with my wife last night. I found it an interesting take on how to behave and ultimtely thrive in marriage. In other words marriage brings you together, but to survive requires the space to be who you are.

on Second Thought

Going back reading some of my previous posts, i'm starting to wonder if I've been coming off a little haughty. Almost with a "I've already made it" attitude. If I have, I apologize. I must say that I only want to help others and help myself as well.

As an avid reader, the best part about reading is sharing with others new discoveries. That is originally what this blog was supposed to be. Not preachy. Not condescending or pious. Just reflective discovery of my own life which I hoped would help others like me. 

I'm working to improve my ability to connect more concisely and creatively.   Til then, stick with me as I walk, and sometimes stumble through this journey of manhood.

BEWARE: THE ANTI-WIFE

Prov 7
21 So she seduced him with her pretty speech
      and enticed him with her flattery.
22 He followed her at once,
      like an ox going to the slaughter.
   He was like a stag caught in a trap,
23    awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart.
   He was like a bird flying into a snare,
      little knowing it would cost him his life.

We've all come in contact with her. She's an old college friend. An ex high school sweetheart. A coworker. She's who you check your facebook and twitter for three or four times in the hour to see if she responded to your witty posts. She's the one you share inside jokes with in private IM's, or during shared lunch breaks. She gets all your jokes. She understands you. She speaks the "guy language". She's "not like other women." You think about her when you're away from her, and wonder what it'd be like if you two got together. You begin to conjure up scenarios where it could possibly happen. A business trip. A class reunion. A "working" dinner after hours. You know who she is. She's just a friend. No, she's not. She's the Anti-Wife. I've come to a recent realization. And by recent, I mean last night. My wife and I argue. Every couple does they say. When we argue there's usually a period of silence that follows where she's not talking to me or vice-versa. It was during these times, that I would always find myself entertaining my Anti-wife.

Similar to the Anti-Christ, the Anti-wife is just that because of her ability to seemingly be all things to all men. She sneaks in when your wife is pregnant and doesn't feel attractive, and reminds you how sexy she is. She waltzes with easy conversation and laughs during turbulent married times when all it seem you do is fight with your wife. She says all the right things. Wears all the right things. Always agrees with you, and EVEN gives you advice about your wife. She seems to have the careful balance of knowing about women AND men. She knows what you want and can express in better terms than you. She makes you feel like a man. Like you matter. Like a king. And she makes you wonder why your wife isn't more like her. She makes you wonder why you didn't meet her first.  She makes you wonder and feel that if "anything ever happened" between you and your wife, that she'd be the first person you call. It's a match made in heaven. So it seems.

You see, I know the anti-wife very well. She was my high school sweetheart. The first sexual relationship I ever had. Willing to do anything and everything. The relationship that never got closure we just went separate ways. Until social networking made the world a lot smaller. Years passed made it difficult for me to remember how much spiritual turmoil she caused me. Why i ran in the first place. How I lost my virginity and regretted it since. How she thought she was pregnant. I told my parents. She never mentioned it to hers. How she ruined EVERY relationship I've ever been in by her willingness to be available at anytime. Any place. How I'd almost been killed by jealous boyfriends over her. And my weakness to realize what i finally came to the conclusion of last night. She has been assigned to me. She's my anti-wife.

You see, Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 lay out real clear who the anti-wife is. Honey dripping lips. Talk as smooth as oil. Beautiful. Seductive. It also describes her as brash. Rebellious. Sly of heart. Her victims? Naive young men who lack common sense(Proverbs 7:7). Me. I had been so naive, and since recovering from my last traipse with this vixen, I've found myself being enticed by the nostalgia of our encounters again. Ironically (not) I'm in the midst of a hard time with my wife, due to these same trysts. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I woke up this morning with a fervency and anger after having dreamed about her and being consumed with thoughts of her. I was angry at myself. At how she was making my wife look second rate. When I knew that was NOT the case. At how I was wondering subconsciously if I still had feelings for her when i KNOW i do not. How she had never really been THAT bad and just needed a good man to show her how a woman should be treated. WHAT!?!?!

NO! This woman is not my wife! She is a fake! A fraud! Her prime goal is to seduce, bamboozle, swindle, and lure me away from my prized possession! She is the deceiver. The tempter! The lion seeking whom she may devour. She is the lawless one. The ADVERSARY! THE ENEMY! THE MOTHER AND PRODUCER OF LIES! RUN FROM HER! I got up and prayed with fervency at the revelation that she was not an old friend, she was assigned to me to take me out! To reduce my will, lure me off the path of righteousness and into her doorway that leads to death! This is serious business.

Proverbs 31 describes in great detail the virtue of a WIFE. A true wife. He who findeth one finds a good thing and OBTAINS favor of the Lord. It is also a STARK contrast compared to proverbs 5,6,and 7. The anti-wife promises pleasure but only brings pain! She promises comfort, adoration, admiration, and affirmation! SHE BRINGS RUIN! TORMENT! Her root is lust. Her goal is deceit and ultimately death. SHUT HER OFF! Cut her down! Flee from her!

Brothers understand that our marriages are constantly under attack and any relationship with a woman outside of your wife can develop into a detriment to your holy united entity. Don't let it happen to you. Keep your marriage protected and safe. Don't let the enemy creep in between you. He wants to isolate you from your wife so that you begin to look elsewhere. The anti-wife will look, sound, and even feel like the real thing but she is poison! BEWARE!

PROVERBS 31
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
      but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
 31 Reward her for all she has done.
      Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

...On Faith

Romans 5:3-5

3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Faith. That's the topic for today. It's something that I've been pondering and studying lately as it seems I am in a stand-off with my faith. Or for my faith.

The above scripture was given to me today by a co-worker(who ironically is not saved) and it couldn't have come at a better time for me right now. I've written previously about how I felt I'd reached a new level in my walk with God, and I'm realizing how unprecedented this has been in my life. I've not experienced Him in this way before and so some things are new to me.

I've always thought of faith as my ability to believe hard enough for blessings, etc. I'm now realizing that faith is not that at all.  That sort of faith is like crossing your fingers and hoping to win the lottery. The true faith is that described in Hebrews 11. Faith displayed by the likes of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and even Rahab. Faith unseen presence of God. Faith that the things He promises have ALREADY been delivered, whether they have manifested or not.  Being unable to see or even feel Him, but KNOWING that He is there and resting in that presence.

I've always exercised the faith of Peter. You know the story. Jesus is walking on water and Peter asks Him to confirm his presence by allowing Peter to walk on water. I used to think, and had been taught that this was an amazing display of Peter's faith compared to the others on the boat. However, now with my experience and study, I realize that this was not an exercise in faith at all.  I now feel that Peter never believed he could walk on water. He was challenging Jesus, because He still did not believe he was the Son of Man. It was as if he was saying, Lord it's not enough that you are walking on water and it's clearly you, but show me more. Impress me. Make ME walk on water as well. That is why Jesus chastised Peter when he rescued him, because Peter never believed he could walk on water. He was only testing Jesus's claim as a deity.  I've done this plenty of times in my life, challenged God to impress me with His omnipotence and then cowered when His power was on display. Rather than believing He was there whether he showed himself or not.

This type of "faith" is dangerous because it reduces God to peek a boo status. If He does something great then He's God and worthy of our worship and loyalty. If He doesn't then we cast Him off. This mentality is what kept the Israelites wandering in the desert so long. 

Instead we should be like Abraham who was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac knowing that God would and could resurrect Him because He'd been given a promise. Or the Hebrew boys who understood that God did not have to prove himself by saving them for them to understand that He was indeed God.  In the same way in my life I am learning to rest in the peace of His (omni)presence. Like the above scripture, I'm facing difficult times and my patience and endurance is being tested. However, my faith is growing as I begin to understand that God's Word does not return void. His promises can be fulfilled even on my deathbed and it is the ultimate reward to be welcomed into His kingdom based only on my unwavering belief in its existence. Not because of how much He has blessed me. THAT is the true definition of faith. And that is what I now aspire to.

Unfailing Love of God

Psalm 13

 1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
      How long will you look the other way?
 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
      with sorrow in my heart every day?
      How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
 3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
      Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
 4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
      Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

 5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 6 I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me.

I didn't post anything this past week for a few reasons. One, I didn't have Internet access during a snowstorm that brought my city to a virtual standstill. Two, the past week has been the weakest, loneliest week that I've experienced in a while.

It is interesting that I felt this way because everything around me says that things should be going well. I'd just come off an amazing weekend at the Men's Encounter where I definitely felt a breakthrough in my walk with God. I have my family, my mentors, and a great church family, but somehow I felt alone. I'd been riding the longest spiritual high I've ever had and then suddenly it was as if someone turned the lights out. I reached out to two people I trust dearly and they both told me the same thing. Relationships with God are just like relationships with people. There are highs, lows, ebbs and flows. Times we feel so connected, and times we feel distant. The key is to rest in the knowledge that the relationship exists, and is strong enough to bear you through the distant times.

Allow me to be transparent a moment. When you are recovering from a major fall in sin, there are people that you encounter, who mean well but can sometimes be frustrating. Those who are there to walk you along the path to restoration (Gal 6:1) often times, without intention I'm sure, tend to treat you with a sort of condescending pity. Most conversation with them usually revolves around them asking you how you're doing, with very concerned looks on their faces. Basically what they are saying is "Have you been sinning? Are you thinking about sinning? Are you gonna sin again?"  They mean well, and can even be helpful when needed. But building relationships with them is difficult because it is always on a 70/30 basis. They want to know everything about you and what you're going through. They rarely reveal anything about themselves, mostly because you are the one who sinned, and obviously can't be trusted, (at least this was my feeling) and so they are doing their duty as a good christian. What they don't realize is that while they've made themselves great advisers, and accountability peers, they haven't made themselves great friends. Friendship is based on an equal give and take, an equal contribution, and at times these relationships start to feel like you only talk to them when there is a problem. Or vice-versa. You start to feel like a charity case. People observe you from a distance, applaud your progress and pat you on the back, but no one really gets close or lets you into THEIR space. So this past week, I was very upset at the relationships I have in my life, because at the moment it seems that this is what they consist of. I vented this frustration to my wife and wondered, as I'm sure Job did, why God had left me alone after such great time together.

That was good advice. But not enough. I felt so distant from God that I considered that maybe everything I'd experienced in the last year was a fluke. That I was not the man I thought I'd become. I allowed the enemy to creep into my thoughts, tell me how I'd failed, how I'd regressed and was no longer worthy of God's grace. Granted it had only been a week's time. I had not committed any sinful acts and honestly was doing things the same as always. But I felt lost. I felt abandoned. I sat through service yesterday and listened to a guest preacher talk about discipleship, and the importance of leaning on each other, and I felt at that moment that I had no one to lean on.

Enter the Holy Spirit. While I was lamenting my failures, and allowing the enemy to have a field day in my mind up to the point that I was determined to cut off relationships that I knew were vital to my success. I finally decided to open my bible for my one year reading, that I'd neglected during the previous week. I came across the above passage and literally broke down. It's amazing how the Word of God can pinpoint exactly the emotion that you are feeling at a time. I dropped to my knees and begin to pray to God about what I was feeling, and in those moments of prayer it came to me that sometimes the Lord will test us to prove our worth or our resolve. This sparked a new revelation that i will touch on tomorrow but it felt as if the light had been switched back on and I'd found my place again. I felt the love of God wrap around me and I felt validated again. The lesson I learned however was that times like these are simply a sign for me to push through the darkness to the next phase. I'm glad to say that I'm back on track and feeling good again. Praise God.
Final thing. The last two versus are what pulled me out of my funk. "But I will trust in your UNFAILING LOVE. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me." These words, trusting in God's unfailing love. Rejoicing because he is good. Worshipping. It was in that moment when I realized the significance of his his assurance that he would never leave nor forsake me. Sometimes We are tested. Sometimes we have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but GOD IS ALWAYS THERE. He will never leave, nor forsake us. Even if I make my bed in hell(psalm 139:8). Praise God.

Peace.

What's Your Motivation?

I've been doing the One Year Bible and it's been great. I don't always get everyday in, but admittedly I'm doing more reading of the Word now, than I've ever done in my life. Anyway, I was reading a passage in Matthew 8:19-22, two separate men come to Jesus with two agendas.

The first man was a religious teacher who proclaimed passionately that he would follow Jesus anywhere. The Lord's reply to him was “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man[a] has no place even to lay his head.”

...????

Okay.

The second guy comes to the Lord with a reasonable request as well. He simply wants to go and bury his father, and then he will be free to follow Jesus. The Lord's reply? “Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead.”

...WOW.

Seemingly two insensitive responses by our beloved Saviour and Prince of Peace, and before I honestly did not understand the reason for Jesus curt responses. I think I do now though. The two men definitely represent a large part of men who have once attempted or are attempting to follow Christ. I definitely see the similarities in myself to both men. Both men apparently had a will to follow Jesus but it was their character and motivations that shown through in their professions.

The first man was eager. We've all been there. He saw the miracles Jesus was doing, felt the power, understood that this man was something special and rather zealously proclaimed he would follow Him anywhere. Doesn't sound bad does it? Shouldn't we all have the same passion? Well looking at Jesus response it is obvious that he saw to the heart of the man's true nature. He was looking for his own personal gain. In his zealousness he had not counted the cost of such an oath. He saw the fame, the acclaim, and notoriety and decided he would coattail Christ. I have often been the same way in a moment of passion, or excitement, professing to follow the Lord without fail. Making rash promises to impress a God that needs no impression. Obedience being better than sacrifice, Jesus reply makes sense. He was getting across to the man that, whatever perks you think will come from being a part of my entourage, let me set the record straight on that. Sometimes we only want to follow God when he is doing miraculous things in hopes that the "blessings" will rain down on us by default, when our motive should really be to follow the Lord due to our passion for the work of the Kingdom. That in itself is a decision that requires a great deal of self-evaluation and reflection to make sure that a pure heart and motive are present.

The second man was less eager to follow. Feeling that he had other pressing matters to attend, he wanted Jesus to wait while he buried his father. He wanted to follow Christ, but had qualms about leaving his family behind. So he made his request. The thing is, I could actually relate to this guy also because I've often said, "okay God, just let me do this thing in my life, and I'm all yours." His reply? "NO. Follow me NOW." The urgency and bluntness of Jesus response is important because it indicates an urgency in our ability to make a decision to follow Christ. I understand now, that this guy was never going to make up his mind. If it wasn't his father, it would have been his wife, if not his wife, then his job. Excuse after excuse until he would have procrastinated his destiny away. I've been this guy, up until recently, when I realized it was not going to happen unless I dropped everything and gave myself over to the Lord. How many of us though still hold some excuse as to why we avoid our calling? Avoid our purpose? Jesus said to him, follow me NOW. Let the dead bury the dead. It wasn't lack of compassion, he is the Lamb of God, it was a sense of urgency to the young man that if he missed this opportunity it may never come around again. He would regret it, long after his father was dead and he was wandering without purpose.

One man had passion but wrong motivation. Another had too many excuses, and was a procrastinator. Both wanted to follow Christ, but both had a flawed way of thinking that would have eventually derailed them from the very thing they were trying to pursue. I realize with myself that it's important that I examine every action and motive to be sure it is pure and of God, and at the same time that I remove excuses and events that will allow me to procrastinate and put off my pursuit of righteousness. And so like Jesus says, Follow Him Now, with a pure heart and pure mind. Seek first His kingdom, and his righteousness and allow Him to bless your diligence, not just your passion.

The Artistic License

Been giving this one a lot of thought. Last week, I posted some thoughts on the use of artistic gifts and talents and the subject came up to me that I've often discussed with others who are similar in talent to me. Why does it seem that the church produces artistic gifts, but does not support or provide an outlet for them?
I attend a church that heavily supports the arts. Poetry, dance, music, acting, all of it has an outlet, one way or another. However, there are a lot of churches, and subsequently a lot of people in these churches that stifle these particular gifts, especially if they aren't presented in the traditional fashion. Musical gifts are honored the most, but primarily through choirs, praise and worship teams and such. A person who might have the skill or talent of an India.Arie or a Lauryn Hill, or a Dwele might find themselves lacking an opportunity or the guidance to fully express themselves in Christ. What this leads to often times are those people searching outside of the church for the validation of their gift that they originally wanted to present to the body of Christ but was rejected.

I was fortunate to attend a college that had a culture of young artists, hip hop,dance, soul, poetic that filtered through the school for about a seven year period. The good thing about this was that the school itself was not necessarily an artistic school, so us having found each other, used each other for inspiration and to grow our gifts. And we all wanted to use them for the kingdom. We had a vision of being able to be artistically free, and present to the world that the Kingdom of God had a standard of excellence on par or better with the most popular artist in the world. Sadly, after leaving college, pursuing those dreams, many of these artists are no longer pursuing their gifts in the church. Their reasoning? The church's (figurative) four walls were not accepting of the presentation of their gifts. This rings true to me because I have often felt the same way when it came to things I really wanted to express, versus things I knew would not be accepted. Now I'm not talking vulgarity, or inappropriateness, only subjects that reflect real life, real issues, and real emotions.

One thing that I've noticed is this: Some of these artists are pursuing their craft, outside of the church, but are still dedicated to the cause. Their message is more subtle, but their dedication the same. They'd be called "positive music" rather than "Christian". Think, India.Arie, Anthony Hamilton, Common(I know Common isn't a christian, just an example), etc. On the OTHER HAND, the other artists are completely off the map in regards to their Christianity. Some have turned completely away, driven away by the rejection they felt from the church, and some have simply pushed the boundaries of artistry so far that they no longer could draw the line anywhere. So it seems that we have to be careful as artists, what our motivation is. If it is to be recognized by fame and acclaim then their could be great danger in pursuing your craft outside the church. If the goal is to spread a message, then pursuing that outside the church could have its benefits. However, we must never allow our gifts, art, talents, to stand in for our integrity. The bible says what we should meditate on:

 "Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."

Also, Timothy encourages us to "Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you."1 Timothy 4:16

I think as artist these are two principles we should definitely focus on. While it would be great for the church to open its views and accept, and thus promote and support their own artists, rather than lose them to the world. It is more important that we as artists who grew up in the church don't allow the enemy to lead us off the path of righteousness for the sake of fame. Make a living, yes. Do what you love, yes. Compromise your soul and integrity? No.

Should We Feed Ourselves?

"I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready." 1 Corinthians 3:2

I was in church yesterday and where a guest speaker touched on a pretty controversial(to me) topic that caused my wife and I to sort of bristle at her commentary on it. Now her entire sermon was actually on point, but this particular point, which was really a rabbit trail, off-shoot had me sort of conflicted, so i decided to write about it.

The minister began to tell a story of how a member in her church came to her, and asked for prayer because she(the member) didn't feel she was being fed at said church(the ministers). At this point in the story, the minister went on sort of mini-rant that although she had some great points, sort of came off like she took personally what the member said. Basically, and I paraphrase, the conclusion that she came to was, if you are not growing at the church you are in, it is your own fault. The analogy she used to back this, was when you are a child, your parents make sure to feed you all the time, but when you become an adult, it is your responsibility to feed yourself. Now to be fair, she went on to expound that it is implausible to expect true spiritual growth if you are only coming to church on sundays, not participating in any of the extra activities or services, not staying connected through discipleship or other avenues, and not engaging in a consistent prayer and study life. Basically, if your are only feeding, once a week, how do you expect to grow to full health? She went on to declare that your pastor is NOT responsible for your spiritual growth. At this point, of course, people stood and clapped and cheered, but I wondered how many people actually agreed?

Now, let me just say. I agree wholeheartedly that the main responisbility for spiritual growth lies with the person who is looking to do the growing. Without a full dedication to the lifestyle, you cannot expect true growth. HOWEVER, I also believe that the church, and therefor the pastor has a responsibilty to make sure that there is an environment that helps perpetuate that growth. I think too many times church leadersabscond from the responsibilty of growing their flock by saying, "well, its up to you." But i can attest to being apart of ministries where I had to fend for myself in the growth area and it was not pretty. I often felt frustrated with the lack of quality biblical teaching, or the antiquated church traditions, and soon that led me to begin to resent those ministries altogether. Do I believe that it was my responsibility to pray during those times, and read my word? Yes. But without the proper guidance and training, I was also led astray and actually considered defecting to Islam, because I was sick of the lack of depth and consistency that I was experiencing with Christ's Church.

My question then would be, if the spiritual growth of a member of the flock is NOT the pastor's responsibility. Then what is? I ask this question without sarcasm or disrespect, however, I think that if expectations are set and mutually agreed on in a clergy/parishioner relationship, then when certain things transpire, there is a precedent to measure against. Am I misinterpreting the parables of Luke 15? If I am I will gladly change my views, but it just seems that making such a blanket statement, really leaves out a multitude of factors. Now granted I don't want to take what was said out of context, so I do believe that we should take full advantage of programs, and discipleship groups that a church has to offer. Also I believe that a daily prayer and study life is completely necessary to live this lifestyle. However it seeems that if a member goes to their pastor and expresses, respectfully, a lack of growth, then those things should be discussed as to whether not that person's feelings are valid, and how to get that person back on course. Ridiculing them or their maturity in the faith I think is the wrong option. It made me wonder how many times a person has gone to their pastor to express a feeling of non-growth and was either rebuked, or ignored until that person left to fend for themselves. I know that she didn't mean that a pastor doesn't care about the sheep or anything like that, but shouldn't a concern for the sheep's growth be primary? And if said sheep is also concerned with a lack of growth, that to me seems like grounds to evaluate the root issues. Still, as I said before, the responsibilty cannot ultimately be placed on the pastor, but even a child who can feed itself will not always eat the right foods. It is up to the pastor to make sure the flock is being properly fled, and perhaps to evaluate how effectively they are doing that. Right?

Peace.

Restoring the Gift

"1) Brothers,if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2) Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3) For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4) But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor." Galatians 6:1-4

Thank God for the fellowship of believers. Most importantly thank God for mentor-ship. My post on last Tuesday was a pseudo-copy of a letter I sent to a mentor of mine concerning my gift of writing and spoken word and how I've been skeptical to venture into that area since things in my life have changed. The answers that I got from this man of God (follow him!) were nothing short of amazing. It was not only a clear message from the Lord, but also so relevant to what I was going through that it snapped me completely out of my funk. When the bible says that God gives wisdom to anyone who asks, well, it ain't lying! Anyway allow me to share this revelation.

The above bible verse contains instruction on how we should treat a brother who has fallen or strayed from the path into sin. It says that we should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. The way my mentor put it was akin to taking a broken leg and putting it into a cast to be healed. When we separate from the father then we obviously become broken, or disconnected. In order to get back to where we were, that broken area has to be healed and set back into a place of stability. When that restoration begins there is also a period of rehabilitation in which you must learn to use those limbs again. Or learn how to walk again. It is common for a person to be tentative and favor that leg more than normal because of the lack of trust due to the leg having failed them before by breaking. Likewise it is the same with us as Christians, particularly those who are artistic or creative.

Previously I had been using my gift in a way that was not reflective of Christ and the life I should have been living. It was reflective however of who and what I'd really become. A man of sinful nature, and lifestyle. Proverbs 4:23 says "Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life" this proved to be true for it reflected in my poetry, and my onstage performance. Now that God has restored me, and set me in a place of stability, I must RELEARN how to use the gift that He gave me for His glory! Before I'd open myself up to inspiration of all kinds, tapping into a well of different emotions, issues, and vices to produce what I thought was compelling artistry. And it was, although the areas it came from were my downfall. NOW it is up to me to learn how to tap into the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and all things Kingdom, and by meditating and becoming familiar with them, it will then become easier to translate the things of God into a creative format.

Still with me? Another analogy then. Whenever a professional athlete is injured, they go through an extensive rehab to ensure that they are ready to play again. Although the doctors, coaches, and physicians all clear the player to play, it is in that players mind where the real battle to overcome the effects of the injury take place. Initially he will be distrusting of the newly healed area, unable to be as explosive or effective, constantly favoring that area over trusting his healed nature. It renders him almost ineffective. It doesn't mean that he isn't healed, only that mentally he is not able to overcome the obstacle of trust to get back to the high level he once competed at. It is the same with our gifts when we have abused them for so long. When broken and healed again, often we fret over our ability to do what has always come naturally to us before, but now must be done under new circumstances. I have to overcome the mentality that I had lost my creativity for the sake of Christ. It's absurd really, but it's real. It is simply a matter of relearning to use the gift he gave me for HIS glory instead of my own personal gain.

Transparent Tuesday

So...let's call today, Transparent Tuesday. I don't know if I come off condescending at times on here(at times, lol, it's only been a few days)but here is a letter I sent to a mentor of mine:

So I've been having a problem. It started some time last year, about the time that my wife and I were in counseling. My wife had found some poems that I'd written about a year and a half ago, and the tone and content of the poems basically reflected the things that we ended up going through. Caused a huge deal. Fast forward into last fall and when I began to think about my gift and where and how I usually got my inspiration, i started to realize that all inspiration is not Godly inspiration, I kind of took on this sort of apprehension about my writing.

See, I'd always thought that creativity had nothing to do with faith, and vice-versa. Now I'm not so sure. The bible says that out of the heart flows the issues of life. I was almost subconsciously writing poetry about what i was dealing with, going through and all that. There was almost a prophetic aspect to the things I was writing. Now looking back I realize that i left myself open to dangerous things and I now have a great fear of my own creativity now.

When you asked me if I was ready to start performing again last week, i went home and thought about it. I havent written anything in a long time, and at first it was because I felt empty, but now it's because I fear tapping into my creative side again. I feel as though my gift has somehow betrayed me, and I know longer trust that side of myself. It's been heartbreaking because I've never felt so bound creatively before. I don't really know who I am as an artist anymore. I'm having trouble finding my place, and a huge part of it is because I no longer trust my creative insight. I don't know what to do.


I guess I post this because being transparent and confronting fear is great part of being a man. So there it is.

On Becoming a Real Man

Short post today.  Last year I enrolled myself in what I like to call God's University. Really a bootcamp of sorts rebuilding the whole foundation that I'd set my life on. Making sure that foundation is truly set upon the Rock. I'm starting to understand a little bit about how God works in our lives. Building us into men of integrity, and teaching us to live the holy and righteous lifestyle. Through materials, scriptures, and just talking with other brothers who are on my path, all striving for that same greatness, I've kind of sorted out a bit of a pattern. A method to the madness if you will.

Initially of all the books and things I was reading, a lot of them were character focused. Building, cultivating, and growing in the character of the righteous. In the character of a Real Man. In essence God was renewing my mind. Teaching me how to be in but not of this world.  I read at least 6 books along with scripture,  all geared towards the pouring and cementing of Christ as my foundation.  Since then, I've noticed that I am now moving into a new phase of God's curriculum which seems to now be Consistency. First character, i.e., integrity, truth, and humility; now consistency, taking those things I learned at the character level and applying them to my life on a regular basis. Developing positive habits, strengths, and a demeanor that will eventually become second nature.

It's funny how this has changed from my previous approach to my life. How I spent so much time cultivating my gifts and talents because I believed they would lead me to the places I wanted to go in life. However, it is obvious through my failures that it is not only the gifts that matter when you live within the Kingdom. In fact, your gift is the least of the things that matter.  I was talking to my friend and brother on Sunday, Will(twitter.com/thrillineum, follow him!!) and we came to the conclusion that often times people take their gifts to be synonomous with their purpose. In other words, they will take their gift and make their gift the purpose, when the gift could just be a means to get your calling out, a medium if you will. Too often we don't want to take the time to cultivate the intangibles that will make us valuable as individuals, whether gifted or not.You don't have to lie to kick it with God. In fact, you can't lie. The only way to really recieve from Him is to face the truths about who you are and where you are in your life. Only then will you be able to change.

Destroying the Ball and Chain

Marriage is under attack. I was trying to figure out how to start today's post, but I can't think of any other way than to say, marriage is under attack. I know, old news right? But even though we've heard this before, as someone who has been on the brink of losing my marriage, through my own selfish actions, I realized that I had succumbed to some very erroneous logic that caused me to be a less than stellar husband to my wife. Since my confession, and repentance, I strive to live up to the ultimate example of husbandry, our Lord Jesus Christ. Don't wanna sound like I've made it, because I haven't. But everyday I'm taking responsibility for my actions and seeking to love my wife as I should and be a good steward of my house. That being said, I wanted to explore some of the logic I'm speaking of that has led me and many other men astray.

First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without  making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood.  Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me.  I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.

But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.

Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.

Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.

The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?

Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.

I'm Doing Me

"I'll take an L for derailed trains of thought, if it re-routes one track mind." - Reggie Legend

 The above, super-lyrical quote is written by a friend of mine out of Chicago, and probably one of the best poets i've ever met. His book, Steel Waters, along with my readings( or re-reading) of Irresistible Husband really caused me to take stock of the type of mindset that has developed in my generation over the years. Growing up in an over-saturated, materialistic era that glorifies the "DO IT BIG" lifestyle, I'm starting to notice how these things have really subconsciously affected me and my walk in the faith. Before I thought of them as foolish trends that only those who lacked motivation, intelligence, or knowledge of self would follow. In other words, a sheep's mentality. Now I realize that these are not just trends. They have become our culture.

 Culture is composed of customs, traditions, art, music, language, literature, and institutions. Our culture is marked by a steady spread of immoral behavior that weakens family life, promotes disrespect for authority, and insults the practice of personal responsibilty. "Do You" is a phrase often cited, in context it is taken to mean to do what you feel is right, or what suits you best. This mentality while empowering, has taken a new level because it eventually negates any accountability to or from our fellow man. If our actions are questioned, we can simply say "Hey, i'm doing me." and it becomes acceptable. Twitter, facebook, and yes even blogsites have perpetuated a narcissistic and selfish society where we are seduced into thinking that we can do our own thing without thought or concern for others. The "Only God Can Judge Me" and "Stop Hating and Get Money" mentality that is promoted by our culture doesn't take into account the fact that we may hurt others with our actions, only that we fulfill our indulges through immediate gratifications. The Bible calls these the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.

 This really affected me because I realized that I'd been living my life having adopted the culture around me, not subscribing to the culture that God creates for us, which is one of integrity, goodwill, and forgiveness. I'd become selfish in my dealings. Employing a me-first mentality at my job, in my home, and even with my friends. Seeking reciprocity for every act of kindness and becoming bitter if I was not repayed in the way I thought I should be. Going to work and only looking out for myself. Or indulging in lustful activities, rather than committing myself to my wife and marriage. I was just "doing me", when I should have been doing Him. On another note, I felt it necessary to throw myself into my work, charge my way up the corporate ladder, and force open doors that should have stayed shut.  All the while neglecting my family; using the excuse of a "better life" whenever my wife questioned my motives. Is it better to have a bigger home, nicer cars, and clothes, when you lose your family in the process? Was it worth gaining the whole world to lose my soul? I think we as men have a choice to live by a certain standard, and than standard has been diminished lowered, through our ties to the culture around us, we should be careful of what we take in, lest we allow ourselves to be seduced into a sleep from which  we will never awake.

Peace.

Purpose of this Blog

Along with chronicling my personal journey into manhood, which I'm now convinced only truly begins at age 25, (those who are younger will understand when youreach that age), I feel the need to share my insight, errors, and illuminations(no Mason) along the way. As well as these succinct and just flat-out definitive statements of devloping maturity:

To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding;

To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;

To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.

A wise man will hear, and will increase learning;

and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels

Prov 1:2-5

Need I really say more?