Dichotomy of a Man

A little personal today. Sometimes I feel like there's two Me's. There's the creative, poetic, artistic, L.O.G.O.S.(new stage name, trying it out) and then there is Laurent. I'll explain.

The creative me, also known as Squeak in my head, is lively, listens to soul music, appreciates and loves art, and writes. Man does he write. I love this cat, and when I'm in that mode, i feel like i can do anything. 

Then there is Laurent. Husband, father, man of God, you know all that. Works the 9-5 and supports the fam. Tries to be a good husband and father, and walk by integrity. I love this guy too because of the personal rewards (and the not going to hell factor). The problem I'm having is that it seems i either feel like one, or the other. Rarely both.

I feel most times that I have to suppress my artistic side and try REALLY hard to be just Laurent. L.O.G.O.S comes natural. It just flows (C)Tonex. Laurent at times feels forced. Like i have to make a cognizant effort to be this person and that discourages me, and makes me jaded at times, moody, and a little depressed. I'm still searching for a way to merge the two people, or if that is even possible  to do, but my biggest fear is that one day I'm gonna have to give up one, and since there is much more at stake for the family man, it will obviously be Mr. Creativity. Don't know if I'll be ready when that day comes.

Thing i can't figure out is which "me" is essential to me achieving my purpose. At times I feel one or the other, but rarely both. I can't decide if it's me being unable to decide who i want to be, or if it's because I'm supposed to fuse them into one. What do y'all think?