Peninsula, Maybe

I've learned a lot about myself in the last year. Primarily my co-dependence on friends that has made me weak. I guess I was too busy being a friend, worrying about those relationships that I never paid attention to my own decencies in the character department. Or maybe I hoped to subconsciously live vicariously through those I thought better than me. In any event, the results have been negative to say the least.

They say no man is an island. What if he's forced to be one? How many relationships should a man force or pursue that yield no dividends, in the name of accountability or camaraderie? How long should I try in vain to be apart of something or build something with people who don't share the same interests or intentions? I'm starting to think that being an island is the only way to survive. Hawaii is an island and they get along great. People forget about them until they want to get away for vacations or until hurricanes hit. Sounds a lot like once going on with me right now. Unless there's a crisis, or someone needs to get away from their own problems, there's no need for interaction.  Which is cool I guess. I get a chance to get to know me even better.

So this is the evolution into manhood, huh. This is putting our childhood things behind us. This is growing up. Selah.

Rejection

It hurts to be rejected. I've experienced it time and again and it's something that you never really get used to. I just got rejected for a job that I was sure I had locked. I was all faithed up on this one. Really confessing and making plans to move from the old job to the new one. Lord knows I needed it. Finances are rough right now and things arent looking easier. I saw this job as a way to ease that. Maybe that was the problem.

I was looking to this job as my sustenance when I should have really placed that faith in God. I can't help feeling like I'm not good enough, but I know that wasn't the case. Maybe the job wasn't what I thought it would be. Maybe God saved me from a worse situation. Either way, part of faith is accepting what comes as God's ultimate plan. Nothing more, Nothing less.

Searching Inside Myself, For Myself

I am a poet
I did not choose to be
I just AM
It was thrust upon me
birthed inside of me
planted in a garden
of creativity
I am not always
cognizant of it
i am not always
sure of it
i do not always
embrace it,
but it is
and so am I
a poet

Selah

Simon Says Shift

Man. It has been a minute! Apparently the last time I blogged here was at the end of 2009. Then i went on to have the WORST year of my life yo. To sum it up, I almost destroyed my marriage, lost my family, and ruined my career. All through bad and selfish decisions.

But enough about that. I'm back now. New and better than ever. Finally tapping into the purpose that God put me on this earth and it feels good. A lot has changed in the last  year. I'm responsible now. I'm a good father and husband, active in my kids lives. Almost losing everything meant that I had to make some decisions about whether I wanted to grow up or keep playing around with my life.

Which brings me to my last point. Last night at church Simon T. Bailey, author of Release Your Brilliance, spoke and he killed it! I've been walking around wondering what has been holding me back in life, and now I'm realizing that it has been me! A disbelief in who God says I am, and in my ability has caused me to underachieve all my life. Well I'm puttin it to an end in 11. Time to make moves. Let's GO.

21 DAYS

So, along with Every Man's Battle. I'm also reading a book for Discovery 2 class, called The Greatest Secret by Rob McIntosh. The basic premise of the book is changing your thinking based on the God's Law of Attraction.  In the third chapter it talks about the ability to form positive habits in a 21 day time period. So i decided to set a few goals for myself in an attempt to jumpstart positive effects in my life.


I'm not the smallest guy, and it has been a concern for me that my health will cause me to not live as long or as abundantly as I could. So the next twenty one days I'm dedicating to improving my health status. Exercise five days a week. Controlled portions of food. And water.


I don't plan to stop at 21 days but I figure setting a short term goal and expanding it is the way to go. I'm putting practical application to the theory I'm reading so it should be good. Wish me luck.

Kahlil Gibran on Marriage

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

I read this passage from The Prophet with my wife last night. I found it an interesting take on how to behave and ultimtely thrive in marriage. In other words marriage brings you together, but to survive requires the space to be who you are.

on Second Thought

Going back reading some of my previous posts, i'm starting to wonder if I've been coming off a little haughty. Almost with a "I've already made it" attitude. If I have, I apologize. I must say that I only want to help others and help myself as well.

As an avid reader, the best part about reading is sharing with others new discoveries. That is originally what this blog was supposed to be. Not preachy. Not condescending or pious. Just reflective discovery of my own life which I hoped would help others like me. 

I'm working to improve my ability to connect more concisely and creatively.   Til then, stick with me as I walk, and sometimes stumble through this journey of manhood.