I've been doing the One Year Bible and it's been great. I don't always get everyday in, but admittedly I'm doing more reading of the Word now, than I've ever done in my life. Anyway, I was reading a passage in Matthew 8:19-22, two separate men come to Jesus with two agendas.
The first man was a religious teacher who proclaimed passionately that he would follow Jesus anywhere. The Lord's reply to him was “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man[a] has no place even to lay his head.”
...????
Okay.
The second guy comes to the Lord with a reasonable request as well. He simply wants to go and bury his father, and then he will be free to follow Jesus. The Lord's reply? “Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead.”
...WOW.
Seemingly two insensitive responses by our beloved Saviour and Prince of Peace, and before I honestly did not understand the reason for Jesus curt responses. I think I do now though. The two men definitely represent a large part of men who have once attempted or are attempting to follow Christ. I definitely see the similarities in myself to both men. Both men apparently had a will to follow Jesus but it was their character and motivations that shown through in their professions.
The first man was eager. We've all been there. He saw the miracles Jesus was doing, felt the power, understood that this man was something special and rather zealously proclaimed he would follow Him anywhere. Doesn't sound bad does it? Shouldn't we all have the same passion? Well looking at Jesus response it is obvious that he saw to the heart of the man's true nature. He was looking for his own personal gain. In his zealousness he had not counted the cost of such an oath. He saw the fame, the acclaim, and notoriety and decided he would coattail Christ. I have often been the same way in a moment of passion, or excitement, professing to follow the Lord without fail. Making rash promises to impress a God that needs no impression. Obedience being better than sacrifice, Jesus reply makes sense. He was getting across to the man that, whatever perks you think will come from being a part of my entourage, let me set the record straight on that. Sometimes we only want to follow God when he is doing miraculous things in hopes that the "blessings" will rain down on us by default, when our motive should really be to follow the Lord due to our passion for the work of the Kingdom. That in itself is a decision that requires a great deal of self-evaluation and reflection to make sure that a pure heart and motive are present.
The second man was less eager to follow. Feeling that he had other pressing matters to attend, he wanted Jesus to wait while he buried his father. He wanted to follow Christ, but had qualms about leaving his family behind. So he made his request. The thing is, I could actually relate to this guy also because I've often said, "okay God, just let me do this thing in my life, and I'm all yours." His reply? "NO. Follow me NOW." The urgency and bluntness of Jesus response is important because it indicates an urgency in our ability to make a decision to follow Christ. I understand now, that this guy was never going to make up his mind. If it wasn't his father, it would have been his wife, if not his wife, then his job. Excuse after excuse until he would have procrastinated his destiny away. I've been this guy, up until recently, when I realized it was not going to happen unless I dropped everything and gave myself over to the Lord. How many of us though still hold some excuse as to why we avoid our calling? Avoid our purpose? Jesus said to him, follow me NOW. Let the dead bury the dead. It wasn't lack of compassion, he is the Lamb of God, it was a sense of urgency to the young man that if he missed this opportunity it may never come around again. He would regret it, long after his father was dead and he was wandering without purpose.
One man had passion but wrong motivation. Another had too many excuses, and was a procrastinator. Both wanted to follow Christ, but both had a flawed way of thinking that would have eventually derailed them from the very thing they were trying to pursue. I realize with myself that it's important that I examine every action and motive to be sure it is pure and of God, and at the same time that I remove excuses and events that will allow me to procrastinate and put off my pursuit of righteousness. And so like Jesus says, Follow Him Now, with a pure heart and pure mind. Seek first His kingdom, and his righteousness and allow Him to bless your diligence, not just your passion.
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Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Artistic License
Been giving this one a lot of thought. Last week, I posted some thoughts on the use of artistic gifts and talents and the subject came up to me that I've often discussed with others who are similar in talent to me. Why does it seem that the church produces artistic gifts, but does not support or provide an outlet for them?
I attend a church that heavily supports the arts. Poetry, dance, music, acting, all of it has an outlet, one way or another. However, there are a lot of churches, and subsequently a lot of people in these churches that stifle these particular gifts, especially if they aren't presented in the traditional fashion. Musical gifts are honored the most, but primarily through choirs, praise and worship teams and such. A person who might have the skill or talent of an India.Arie or a Lauryn Hill, or a Dwele might find themselves lacking an opportunity or the guidance to fully express themselves in Christ. What this leads to often times are those people searching outside of the church for the validation of their gift that they originally wanted to present to the body of Christ but was rejected.
I was fortunate to attend a college that had a culture of young artists, hip hop,dance, soul, poetic that filtered through the school for about a seven year period. The good thing about this was that the school itself was not necessarily an artistic school, so us having found each other, used each other for inspiration and to grow our gifts. And we all wanted to use them for the kingdom. We had a vision of being able to be artistically free, and present to the world that the Kingdom of God had a standard of excellence on par or better with the most popular artist in the world. Sadly, after leaving college, pursuing those dreams, many of these artists are no longer pursuing their gifts in the church. Their reasoning? The church's (figurative) four walls were not accepting of the presentation of their gifts. This rings true to me because I have often felt the same way when it came to things I really wanted to express, versus things I knew would not be accepted. Now I'm not talking vulgarity, or inappropriateness, only subjects that reflect real life, real issues, and real emotions.
One thing that I've noticed is this: Some of these artists are pursuing their craft, outside of the church, but are still dedicated to the cause. Their message is more subtle, but their dedication the same. They'd be called "positive music" rather than "Christian". Think, India.Arie, Anthony Hamilton, Common(I know Common isn't a christian, just an example), etc. On the OTHER HAND, the other artists are completely off the map in regards to their Christianity. Some have turned completely away, driven away by the rejection they felt from the church, and some have simply pushed the boundaries of artistry so far that they no longer could draw the line anywhere. So it seems that we have to be careful as artists, what our motivation is. If it is to be recognized by fame and acclaim then their could be great danger in pursuing your craft outside the church. If the goal is to spread a message, then pursuing that outside the church could have its benefits. However, we must never allow our gifts, art, talents, to stand in for our integrity. The bible says what we should meditate on:
"Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."
Also, Timothy encourages us to "Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you."1 Timothy 4:16
I think as artist these are two principles we should definitely focus on. While it would be great for the church to open its views and accept, and thus promote and support their own artists, rather than lose them to the world. It is more important that we as artists who grew up in the church don't allow the enemy to lead us off the path of righteousness for the sake of fame. Make a living, yes. Do what you love, yes. Compromise your soul and integrity? No.
I attend a church that heavily supports the arts. Poetry, dance, music, acting, all of it has an outlet, one way or another. However, there are a lot of churches, and subsequently a lot of people in these churches that stifle these particular gifts, especially if they aren't presented in the traditional fashion. Musical gifts are honored the most, but primarily through choirs, praise and worship teams and such. A person who might have the skill or talent of an India.Arie or a Lauryn Hill, or a Dwele might find themselves lacking an opportunity or the guidance to fully express themselves in Christ. What this leads to often times are those people searching outside of the church for the validation of their gift that they originally wanted to present to the body of Christ but was rejected.
I was fortunate to attend a college that had a culture of young artists, hip hop,dance, soul, poetic that filtered through the school for about a seven year period. The good thing about this was that the school itself was not necessarily an artistic school, so us having found each other, used each other for inspiration and to grow our gifts. And we all wanted to use them for the kingdom. We had a vision of being able to be artistically free, and present to the world that the Kingdom of God had a standard of excellence on par or better with the most popular artist in the world. Sadly, after leaving college, pursuing those dreams, many of these artists are no longer pursuing their gifts in the church. Their reasoning? The church's (figurative) four walls were not accepting of the presentation of their gifts. This rings true to me because I have often felt the same way when it came to things I really wanted to express, versus things I knew would not be accepted. Now I'm not talking vulgarity, or inappropriateness, only subjects that reflect real life, real issues, and real emotions.
One thing that I've noticed is this: Some of these artists are pursuing their craft, outside of the church, but are still dedicated to the cause. Their message is more subtle, but their dedication the same. They'd be called "positive music" rather than "Christian". Think, India.Arie, Anthony Hamilton, Common(I know Common isn't a christian, just an example), etc. On the OTHER HAND, the other artists are completely off the map in regards to their Christianity. Some have turned completely away, driven away by the rejection they felt from the church, and some have simply pushed the boundaries of artistry so far that they no longer could draw the line anywhere. So it seems that we have to be careful as artists, what our motivation is. If it is to be recognized by fame and acclaim then their could be great danger in pursuing your craft outside the church. If the goal is to spread a message, then pursuing that outside the church could have its benefits. However, we must never allow our gifts, art, talents, to stand in for our integrity. The bible says what we should meditate on:
"Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."
Also, Timothy encourages us to "Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you."1 Timothy 4:16
I think as artist these are two principles we should definitely focus on. While it would be great for the church to open its views and accept, and thus promote and support their own artists, rather than lose them to the world. It is more important that we as artists who grew up in the church don't allow the enemy to lead us off the path of righteousness for the sake of fame. Make a living, yes. Do what you love, yes. Compromise your soul and integrity? No.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Should We Feed Ourselves?
"I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready." 1 Corinthians 3:2
I was in church yesterday and where a guest speaker touched on a pretty controversial(to me) topic that caused my wife and I to sort of bristle at her commentary on it. Now her entire sermon was actually on point, but this particular point, which was really a rabbit trail, off-shoot had me sort of conflicted, so i decided to write about it.
The minister began to tell a story of how a member in her church came to her, and asked for prayer because she(the member) didn't feel she was being fed at said church(the ministers). At this point in the story, the minister went on sort of mini-rant that although she had some great points, sort of came off like she took personally what the member said. Basically, and I paraphrase, the conclusion that she came to was, if you are not growing at the church you are in, it is your own fault. The analogy she used to back this, was when you are a child, your parents make sure to feed you all the time, but when you become an adult, it is your responsibility to feed yourself. Now to be fair, she went on to expound that it is implausible to expect true spiritual growth if you are only coming to church on sundays, not participating in any of the extra activities or services, not staying connected through discipleship or other avenues, and not engaging in a consistent prayer and study life. Basically, if your are only feeding, once a week, how do you expect to grow to full health? She went on to declare that your pastor is NOT responsible for your spiritual growth. At this point, of course, people stood and clapped and cheered, but I wondered how many people actually agreed?
Now, let me just say. I agree wholeheartedly that the main responisbility for spiritual growth lies with the person who is looking to do the growing. Without a full dedication to the lifestyle, you cannot expect true growth. HOWEVER, I also believe that the church, and therefor the pastor has a responsibilty to make sure that there is an environment that helps perpetuate that growth. I think too many times church leadersabscond from the responsibilty of growing their flock by saying, "well, its up to you." But i can attest to being apart of ministries where I had to fend for myself in the growth area and it was not pretty. I often felt frustrated with the lack of quality biblical teaching, or the antiquated church traditions, and soon that led me to begin to resent those ministries altogether. Do I believe that it was my responsibility to pray during those times, and read my word? Yes. But without the proper guidance and training, I was also led astray and actually considered defecting to Islam, because I was sick of the lack of depth and consistency that I was experiencing with Christ's Church.
My question then would be, if the spiritual growth of a member of the flock is NOT the pastor's responsibility. Then what is? I ask this question without sarcasm or disrespect, however, I think that if expectations are set and mutually agreed on in a clergy/parishioner relationship, then when certain things transpire, there is a precedent to measure against. Am I misinterpreting the parables of Luke 15? If I am I will gladly change my views, but it just seems that making such a blanket statement, really leaves out a multitude of factors. Now granted I don't want to take what was said out of context, so I do believe that we should take full advantage of programs, and discipleship groups that a church has to offer. Also I believe that a daily prayer and study life is completely necessary to live this lifestyle. However it seeems that if a member goes to their pastor and expresses, respectfully, a lack of growth, then those things should be discussed as to whether not that person's feelings are valid, and how to get that person back on course. Ridiculing them or their maturity in the faith I think is the wrong option. It made me wonder how many times a person has gone to their pastor to express a feeling of non-growth and was either rebuked, or ignored until that person left to fend for themselves. I know that she didn't mean that a pastor doesn't care about the sheep or anything like that, but shouldn't a concern for the sheep's growth be primary? And if said sheep is also concerned with a lack of growth, that to me seems like grounds to evaluate the root issues. Still, as I said before, the responsibilty cannot ultimately be placed on the pastor, but even a child who can feed itself will not always eat the right foods. It is up to the pastor to make sure the flock is being properly fled, and perhaps to evaluate how effectively they are doing that. Right?
Peace.
I was in church yesterday and where a guest speaker touched on a pretty controversial(to me) topic that caused my wife and I to sort of bristle at her commentary on it. Now her entire sermon was actually on point, but this particular point, which was really a rabbit trail, off-shoot had me sort of conflicted, so i decided to write about it.
The minister began to tell a story of how a member in her church came to her, and asked for prayer because she(the member) didn't feel she was being fed at said church(the ministers). At this point in the story, the minister went on sort of mini-rant that although she had some great points, sort of came off like she took personally what the member said. Basically, and I paraphrase, the conclusion that she came to was, if you are not growing at the church you are in, it is your own fault. The analogy she used to back this, was when you are a child, your parents make sure to feed you all the time, but when you become an adult, it is your responsibility to feed yourself. Now to be fair, she went on to expound that it is implausible to expect true spiritual growth if you are only coming to church on sundays, not participating in any of the extra activities or services, not staying connected through discipleship or other avenues, and not engaging in a consistent prayer and study life. Basically, if your are only feeding, once a week, how do you expect to grow to full health? She went on to declare that your pastor is NOT responsible for your spiritual growth. At this point, of course, people stood and clapped and cheered, but I wondered how many people actually agreed?
Now, let me just say. I agree wholeheartedly that the main responisbility for spiritual growth lies with the person who is looking to do the growing. Without a full dedication to the lifestyle, you cannot expect true growth. HOWEVER, I also believe that the church, and therefor the pastor has a responsibilty to make sure that there is an environment that helps perpetuate that growth. I think too many times church leadersabscond from the responsibilty of growing their flock by saying, "well, its up to you." But i can attest to being apart of ministries where I had to fend for myself in the growth area and it was not pretty. I often felt frustrated with the lack of quality biblical teaching, or the antiquated church traditions, and soon that led me to begin to resent those ministries altogether. Do I believe that it was my responsibility to pray during those times, and read my word? Yes. But without the proper guidance and training, I was also led astray and actually considered defecting to Islam, because I was sick of the lack of depth and consistency that I was experiencing with Christ's Church.
My question then would be, if the spiritual growth of a member of the flock is NOT the pastor's responsibility. Then what is? I ask this question without sarcasm or disrespect, however, I think that if expectations are set and mutually agreed on in a clergy/parishioner relationship, then when certain things transpire, there is a precedent to measure against. Am I misinterpreting the parables of Luke 15? If I am I will gladly change my views, but it just seems that making such a blanket statement, really leaves out a multitude of factors. Now granted I don't want to take what was said out of context, so I do believe that we should take full advantage of programs, and discipleship groups that a church has to offer. Also I believe that a daily prayer and study life is completely necessary to live this lifestyle. However it seeems that if a member goes to their pastor and expresses, respectfully, a lack of growth, then those things should be discussed as to whether not that person's feelings are valid, and how to get that person back on course. Ridiculing them or their maturity in the faith I think is the wrong option. It made me wonder how many times a person has gone to their pastor to express a feeling of non-growth and was either rebuked, or ignored until that person left to fend for themselves. I know that she didn't mean that a pastor doesn't care about the sheep or anything like that, but shouldn't a concern for the sheep's growth be primary? And if said sheep is also concerned with a lack of growth, that to me seems like grounds to evaluate the root issues. Still, as I said before, the responsibilty cannot ultimately be placed on the pastor, but even a child who can feed itself will not always eat the right foods. It is up to the pastor to make sure the flock is being properly fled, and perhaps to evaluate how effectively they are doing that. Right?
Peace.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Restoring the Gift
"1) Brothers,if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2) Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3) For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4) But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor." Galatians 6:1-4
Thank God for the fellowship of believers. Most importantly thank God for mentor-ship. My post on last Tuesday was a pseudo-copy of a letter I sent to a mentor of mine concerning my gift of writing and spoken word and how I've been skeptical to venture into that area since things in my life have changed. The answers that I got from this man of God (follow him!) were nothing short of amazing. It was not only a clear message from the Lord, but also so relevant to what I was going through that it snapped me completely out of my funk. When the bible says that God gives wisdom to anyone who asks, well, it ain't lying! Anyway allow me to share this revelation.
The above bible verse contains instruction on how we should treat a brother who has fallen or strayed from the path into sin. It says that we should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. The way my mentor put it was akin to taking a broken leg and putting it into a cast to be healed. When we separate from the father then we obviously become broken, or disconnected. In order to get back to where we were, that broken area has to be healed and set back into a place of stability. When that restoration begins there is also a period of rehabilitation in which you must learn to use those limbs again. Or learn how to walk again. It is common for a person to be tentative and favor that leg more than normal because of the lack of trust due to the leg having failed them before by breaking. Likewise it is the same with us as Christians, particularly those who are artistic or creative.
Previously I had been using my gift in a way that was not reflective of Christ and the life I should have been living. It was reflective however of who and what I'd really become. A man of sinful nature, and lifestyle. Proverbs 4:23 says "Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life" this proved to be true for it reflected in my poetry, and my onstage performance. Now that God has restored me, and set me in a place of stability, I must RELEARN how to use the gift that He gave me for His glory! Before I'd open myself up to inspiration of all kinds, tapping into a well of different emotions, issues, and vices to produce what I thought was compelling artistry. And it was, although the areas it came from were my downfall. NOW it is up to me to learn how to tap into the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and all things Kingdom, and by meditating and becoming familiar with them, it will then become easier to translate the things of God into a creative format.
Still with me? Another analogy then. Whenever a professional athlete is injured, they go through an extensive rehab to ensure that they are ready to play again. Although the doctors, coaches, and physicians all clear the player to play, it is in that players mind where the real battle to overcome the effects of the injury take place. Initially he will be distrusting of the newly healed area, unable to be as explosive or effective, constantly favoring that area over trusting his healed nature. It renders him almost ineffective. It doesn't mean that he isn't healed, only that mentally he is not able to overcome the obstacle of trust to get back to the high level he once competed at. It is the same with our gifts when we have abused them for so long. When broken and healed again, often we fret over our ability to do what has always come naturally to us before, but now must be done under new circumstances. I have to overcome the mentality that I had lost my creativity for the sake of Christ. It's absurd really, but it's real. It is simply a matter of relearning to use the gift he gave me for HIS glory instead of my own personal gain.
Thank God for the fellowship of believers. Most importantly thank God for mentor-ship. My post on last Tuesday was a pseudo-copy of a letter I sent to a mentor of mine concerning my gift of writing and spoken word and how I've been skeptical to venture into that area since things in my life have changed. The answers that I got from this man of God (follow him!) were nothing short of amazing. It was not only a clear message from the Lord, but also so relevant to what I was going through that it snapped me completely out of my funk. When the bible says that God gives wisdom to anyone who asks, well, it ain't lying! Anyway allow me to share this revelation.
The above bible verse contains instruction on how we should treat a brother who has fallen or strayed from the path into sin. It says that we should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. The way my mentor put it was akin to taking a broken leg and putting it into a cast to be healed. When we separate from the father then we obviously become broken, or disconnected. In order to get back to where we were, that broken area has to be healed and set back into a place of stability. When that restoration begins there is also a period of rehabilitation in which you must learn to use those limbs again. Or learn how to walk again. It is common for a person to be tentative and favor that leg more than normal because of the lack of trust due to the leg having failed them before by breaking. Likewise it is the same with us as Christians, particularly those who are artistic or creative.
Previously I had been using my gift in a way that was not reflective of Christ and the life I should have been living. It was reflective however of who and what I'd really become. A man of sinful nature, and lifestyle. Proverbs 4:23 says "Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life" this proved to be true for it reflected in my poetry, and my onstage performance. Now that God has restored me, and set me in a place of stability, I must RELEARN how to use the gift that He gave me for His glory! Before I'd open myself up to inspiration of all kinds, tapping into a well of different emotions, issues, and vices to produce what I thought was compelling artistry. And it was, although the areas it came from were my downfall. NOW it is up to me to learn how to tap into the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and all things Kingdom, and by meditating and becoming familiar with them, it will then become easier to translate the things of God into a creative format.
Still with me? Another analogy then. Whenever a professional athlete is injured, they go through an extensive rehab to ensure that they are ready to play again. Although the doctors, coaches, and physicians all clear the player to play, it is in that players mind where the real battle to overcome the effects of the injury take place. Initially he will be distrusting of the newly healed area, unable to be as explosive or effective, constantly favoring that area over trusting his healed nature. It renders him almost ineffective. It doesn't mean that he isn't healed, only that mentally he is not able to overcome the obstacle of trust to get back to the high level he once competed at. It is the same with our gifts when we have abused them for so long. When broken and healed again, often we fret over our ability to do what has always come naturally to us before, but now must be done under new circumstances. I have to overcome the mentality that I had lost my creativity for the sake of Christ. It's absurd really, but it's real. It is simply a matter of relearning to use the gift he gave me for HIS glory instead of my own personal gain.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Transparent Tuesday
So...let's call today, Transparent Tuesday. I don't know if I come off condescending at times on here(at times, lol, it's only been a few days)but here is a letter I sent to a mentor of mine:
So I've been having a problem. It started some time last year, about the time that my wife and I were in counseling. My wife had found some poems that I'd written about a year and a half ago, and the tone and content of the poems basically reflected the things that we ended up going through. Caused a huge deal. Fast forward into last fall and when I began to think about my gift and where and how I usually got my inspiration, i started to realize that all inspiration is not Godly inspiration, I kind of took on this sort of apprehension about my writing.
See, I'd always thought that creativity had nothing to do with faith, and vice-versa. Now I'm not so sure. The bible says that out of the heart flows the issues of life. I was almost subconsciously writing poetry about what i was dealing with, going through and all that. There was almost a prophetic aspect to the things I was writing. Now looking back I realize that i left myself open to dangerous things and I now have a great fear of my own creativity now.
When you asked me if I was ready to start performing again last week, i went home and thought about it. I havent written anything in a long time, and at first it was because I felt empty, but now it's because I fear tapping into my creative side again. I feel as though my gift has somehow betrayed me, and I know longer trust that side of myself. It's been heartbreaking because I've never felt so bound creatively before. I don't really know who I am as an artist anymore. I'm having trouble finding my place, and a huge part of it is because I no longer trust my creative insight. I don't know what to do.
I guess I post this because being transparent and confronting fear is great part of being a man. So there it is.
So I've been having a problem. It started some time last year, about the time that my wife and I were in counseling. My wife had found some poems that I'd written about a year and a half ago, and the tone and content of the poems basically reflected the things that we ended up going through. Caused a huge deal. Fast forward into last fall and when I began to think about my gift and where and how I usually got my inspiration, i started to realize that all inspiration is not Godly inspiration, I kind of took on this sort of apprehension about my writing.
See, I'd always thought that creativity had nothing to do with faith, and vice-versa. Now I'm not so sure. The bible says that out of the heart flows the issues of life. I was almost subconsciously writing poetry about what i was dealing with, going through and all that. There was almost a prophetic aspect to the things I was writing. Now looking back I realize that i left myself open to dangerous things and I now have a great fear of my own creativity now.
When you asked me if I was ready to start performing again last week, i went home and thought about it. I havent written anything in a long time, and at first it was because I felt empty, but now it's because I fear tapping into my creative side again. I feel as though my gift has somehow betrayed me, and I know longer trust that side of myself. It's been heartbreaking because I've never felt so bound creatively before. I don't really know who I am as an artist anymore. I'm having trouble finding my place, and a huge part of it is because I no longer trust my creative insight. I don't know what to do.
I guess I post this because being transparent and confronting fear is great part of being a man. So there it is.
Monday, January 17, 2011
On Becoming a Real Man
Short post today. Last year I enrolled myself in what I like to call God's University. Really a bootcamp of sorts rebuilding the whole foundation that I'd set my life on. Making sure that foundation is truly set upon the Rock. I'm starting to understand a little bit about how God works in our lives. Building us into men of integrity, and teaching us to live the holy and righteous lifestyle. Through materials, scriptures, and just talking with other brothers who are on my path, all striving for that same greatness, I've kind of sorted out a bit of a pattern. A method to the madness if you will.
Initially of all the books and things I was reading, a lot of them were character focused. Building, cultivating, and growing in the character of the righteous. In the character of a Real Man. In essence God was renewing my mind. Teaching me how to be in but not of this world. I read at least 6 books along with scripture, all geared towards the pouring and cementing of Christ as my foundation. Since then, I've noticed that I am now moving into a new phase of God's curriculum which seems to now be Consistency. First character, i.e., integrity, truth, and humility; now consistency, taking those things I learned at the character level and applying them to my life on a regular basis. Developing positive habits, strengths, and a demeanor that will eventually become second nature.
It's funny how this has changed from my previous approach to my life. How I spent so much time cultivating my gifts and talents because I believed they would lead me to the places I wanted to go in life. However, it is obvious through my failures that it is not only the gifts that matter when you live within the Kingdom. In fact, your gift is the least of the things that matter. I was talking to my friend and brother on Sunday, Will(twitter.com/thrillineum, follow him!!) and we came to the conclusion that often times people take their gifts to be synonomous with their purpose. In other words, they will take their gift and make their gift the purpose, when the gift could just be a means to get your calling out, a medium if you will. Too often we don't want to take the time to cultivate the intangibles that will make us valuable as individuals, whether gifted or not.You don't have to lie to kick it with God. In fact, you can't lie. The only way to really recieve from Him is to face the truths about who you are and where you are in your life. Only then will you be able to change.
Initially of all the books and things I was reading, a lot of them were character focused. Building, cultivating, and growing in the character of the righteous. In the character of a Real Man. In essence God was renewing my mind. Teaching me how to be in but not of this world. I read at least 6 books along with scripture, all geared towards the pouring and cementing of Christ as my foundation. Since then, I've noticed that I am now moving into a new phase of God's curriculum which seems to now be Consistency. First character, i.e., integrity, truth, and humility; now consistency, taking those things I learned at the character level and applying them to my life on a regular basis. Developing positive habits, strengths, and a demeanor that will eventually become second nature.
It's funny how this has changed from my previous approach to my life. How I spent so much time cultivating my gifts and talents because I believed they would lead me to the places I wanted to go in life. However, it is obvious through my failures that it is not only the gifts that matter when you live within the Kingdom. In fact, your gift is the least of the things that matter. I was talking to my friend and brother on Sunday, Will(twitter.com/thrillineum, follow him!!) and we came to the conclusion that often times people take their gifts to be synonomous with their purpose. In other words, they will take their gift and make their gift the purpose, when the gift could just be a means to get your calling out, a medium if you will. Too often we don't want to take the time to cultivate the intangibles that will make us valuable as individuals, whether gifted or not.You don't have to lie to kick it with God. In fact, you can't lie. The only way to really recieve from Him is to face the truths about who you are and where you are in your life. Only then will you be able to change.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Destroying the Ball and Chain
Marriage is under attack. I was trying to figure out how to start today's post, but I can't think of any other way than to say, marriage is under attack. I know, old news right? But even though we've heard this before, as someone who has been on the brink of losing my marriage, through my own selfish actions, I realized that I had succumbed to some very erroneous logic that caused me to be a less than stellar husband to my wife. Since my confession, and repentance, I strive to live up to the ultimate example of husbandry, our Lord Jesus Christ. Don't wanna sound like I've made it, because I haven't. But everyday I'm taking responsibility for my actions and seeking to love my wife as I should and be a good steward of my house. That being said, I wanted to explore some of the logic I'm speaking of that has led me and many other men astray.
First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood. Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me. I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.
But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.
Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.
Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.
The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?
Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.
First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood. Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me. I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.
But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.
Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.
Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.
The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?
Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm Doing Me
"I'll take an L for derailed trains of thought, if it re-routes one track mind." - Reggie Legend
The above, super-lyrical quote is written by a friend of mine out of Chicago, and probably one of the best poets i've ever met. His book, Steel Waters, along with my readings( or re-reading) of Irresistible Husband really caused me to take stock of the type of mindset that has developed in my generation over the years. Growing up in an over-saturated, materialistic era that glorifies the "DO IT BIG" lifestyle, I'm starting to notice how these things have really subconsciously affected me and my walk in the faith. Before I thought of them as foolish trends that only those who lacked motivation, intelligence, or knowledge of self would follow. In other words, a sheep's mentality. Now I realize that these are not just trends. They have become our culture.
Culture is composed of customs, traditions, art, music, language, literature, and institutions. Our culture is marked by a steady spread of immoral behavior that weakens family life, promotes disrespect for authority, and insults the practice of personal responsibilty. "Do You" is a phrase often cited, in context it is taken to mean to do what you feel is right, or what suits you best. This mentality while empowering, has taken a new level because it eventually negates any accountability to or from our fellow man. If our actions are questioned, we can simply say "Hey, i'm doing me." and it becomes acceptable. Twitter, facebook, and yes even blogsites have perpetuated a narcissistic and selfish society where we are seduced into thinking that we can do our own thing without thought or concern for others. The "Only God Can Judge Me" and "Stop Hating and Get Money" mentality that is promoted by our culture doesn't take into account the fact that we may hurt others with our actions, only that we fulfill our indulges through immediate gratifications. The Bible calls these the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.
This really affected me because I realized that I'd been living my life having adopted the culture around me, not subscribing to the culture that God creates for us, which is one of integrity, goodwill, and forgiveness. I'd become selfish in my dealings. Employing a me-first mentality at my job, in my home, and even with my friends. Seeking reciprocity for every act of kindness and becoming bitter if I was not repayed in the way I thought I should be. Going to work and only looking out for myself. Or indulging in lustful activities, rather than committing myself to my wife and marriage. I was just "doing me", when I should have been doing Him. On another note, I felt it necessary to throw myself into my work, charge my way up the corporate ladder, and force open doors that should have stayed shut. All the while neglecting my family; using the excuse of a "better life" whenever my wife questioned my motives. Is it better to have a bigger home, nicer cars, and clothes, when you lose your family in the process? Was it worth gaining the whole world to lose my soul? I think we as men have a choice to live by a certain standard, and than standard has been diminished lowered, through our ties to the culture around us, we should be careful of what we take in, lest we allow ourselves to be seduced into a sleep from which we will never awake.
Peace.
The above, super-lyrical quote is written by a friend of mine out of Chicago, and probably one of the best poets i've ever met. His book, Steel Waters, along with my readings( or re-reading) of Irresistible Husband really caused me to take stock of the type of mindset that has developed in my generation over the years. Growing up in an over-saturated, materialistic era that glorifies the "DO IT BIG" lifestyle, I'm starting to notice how these things have really subconsciously affected me and my walk in the faith. Before I thought of them as foolish trends that only those who lacked motivation, intelligence, or knowledge of self would follow. In other words, a sheep's mentality. Now I realize that these are not just trends. They have become our culture.
Culture is composed of customs, traditions, art, music, language, literature, and institutions. Our culture is marked by a steady spread of immoral behavior that weakens family life, promotes disrespect for authority, and insults the practice of personal responsibilty. "Do You" is a phrase often cited, in context it is taken to mean to do what you feel is right, or what suits you best. This mentality while empowering, has taken a new level because it eventually negates any accountability to or from our fellow man. If our actions are questioned, we can simply say "Hey, i'm doing me." and it becomes acceptable. Twitter, facebook, and yes even blogsites have perpetuated a narcissistic and selfish society where we are seduced into thinking that we can do our own thing without thought or concern for others. The "Only God Can Judge Me" and "Stop Hating and Get Money" mentality that is promoted by our culture doesn't take into account the fact that we may hurt others with our actions, only that we fulfill our indulges through immediate gratifications. The Bible calls these the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.
This really affected me because I realized that I'd been living my life having adopted the culture around me, not subscribing to the culture that God creates for us, which is one of integrity, goodwill, and forgiveness. I'd become selfish in my dealings. Employing a me-first mentality at my job, in my home, and even with my friends. Seeking reciprocity for every act of kindness and becoming bitter if I was not repayed in the way I thought I should be. Going to work and only looking out for myself. Or indulging in lustful activities, rather than committing myself to my wife and marriage. I was just "doing me", when I should have been doing Him. On another note, I felt it necessary to throw myself into my work, charge my way up the corporate ladder, and force open doors that should have stayed shut. All the while neglecting my family; using the excuse of a "better life" whenever my wife questioned my motives. Is it better to have a bigger home, nicer cars, and clothes, when you lose your family in the process? Was it worth gaining the whole world to lose my soul? I think we as men have a choice to live by a certain standard, and than standard has been diminished lowered, through our ties to the culture around us, we should be careful of what we take in, lest we allow ourselves to be seduced into a sleep from which we will never awake.
Peace.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Purpose of this Blog
Along with chronicling my personal journey into manhood, which I'm now convinced only truly begins at age 25, (those who are younger will understand when youreach that age), I feel the need to share my insight, errors, and illuminations(no Mason) along the way. As well as these succinct and just flat-out definitive statements of devloping maturity:
To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding;
To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;
To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.
A wise man will hear, and will increase learning;
and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels
Prov 1:2-5
Need I really say more?
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