Destroying the Ball and Chain

Marriage is under attack. I was trying to figure out how to start today's post, but I can't think of any other way than to say, marriage is under attack. I know, old news right? But even though we've heard this before, as someone who has been on the brink of losing my marriage, through my own selfish actions, I realized that I had succumbed to some very erroneous logic that caused me to be a less than stellar husband to my wife. Since my confession, and repentance, I strive to live up to the ultimate example of husbandry, our Lord Jesus Christ. Don't wanna sound like I've made it, because I haven't. But everyday I'm taking responsibility for my actions and seeking to love my wife as I should and be a good steward of my house. That being said, I wanted to explore some of the logic I'm speaking of that has led me and many other men astray.

First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without  making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood.  Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me.  I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.

But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.

Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.

Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.

The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?

Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.