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So...yeah. I'm back. I always get this urge to blog like every few months so I keep my account open so I can just jump back into it whenever I get the urge. I know, not the most dedicated stance but it my stance nonetheless.
Anyway, after some insightful Twitter discussions on relationships and their relevance in the church, I thinking may have come to one conclusion. I'm starting to think the church is not the best place to meet a mate. Now I'm not saying its a bad place, and you definitely should make sure your spiritual priorities line up, what I am saying is that there are a few factors that may inhibit you meeting the person you'd like to meet. Here are a few:
1. The Glory Goggles
Glory Goggles are what I call the view everyone looks at everyone in church initially. Since we're both in church we are obviously both spiritual or at least pious right? Wrong. There's some crazy folks at church and just because you see someone ushering, or helping out in the children's ministry doesn't mean that they got it all together. In fact, I'd venture to say that the church consists mostly of people who don't have it together, because that's what it's for. The Glory Goggles however, hide, or ignore all of this. You see me suited and booted, praising my way through the storm and assume I'm a prime candidate for matrimony. In actuality, I'm unemployed, have three babies mommas and live at my mom's crib. Glory Goggles.
2. The Ratio of M/W
This is something that has bothered me lately. The ratio of women to men in the church. Now, I'm married, and most of the guys I know who go to church are married as well, yet most of the women i know who go to church I know are single. What does this tell me? Two things: 1) If a man wanted to be a player (and some do) he could have a field day in the church because a. the women are all looking for husbands and b. there's a plethora of choices and opportunities. At a church big enough a brother could have four options in four different corners of the church. 2) Men are not seeing the value of being apart of church mainly until they get families and have someone to provide and example for. When a man sees his wife and kids needing him to step up, then it's like, "I gotta get my act together", and for black men, church is the place to start getting your act together. However, if you're a single woman and you're in church, you don't have many options. Most men go to church for personal reasons, not to look for women. The men who look for women, soon realize the plethora of opportunities, and ends up running between women unable to decide. And the women allow this because, well, there aren't very many opportunities and church hugs can only be satisfactory for so long.
3. Lack of Common Interests Outside of Church
This reason may be the most important one. Here's a scenario: Woman meets man at church, woman and man both serve on hospitality team and have worked together in various outreach functions where they both secretly pretended to be on a date with each other. Man decides to pursue woman, and they start to date. Here is the problem. Up until now they have only seen, spoken and spent time together at church. So now seeing each other in the outside world, the Glory Goggles are off and they realize that they have nothing in common. He likes to go to action movies and play video games. She likes sitting at Barnes and Nobles or Starbucks people watching and reading novels. She likes Tyler Perry. He hates Tyler Perry. See where this is going? BUT they both like church. And they both love Jesus and their both ready to settle down so they figure they can work out the other issues (which is really woman-speak for "I'll change him") and still make it work because the Lord is on their side. And this may be true. But not wise. Without common interests, what do you talk about at home? What do you talk about out to eat? What do you do together that you both enjoy other than praise and worship? See what I mean? Not saying it can't work, but it'll be difficult. And when the lack of outside interests began to outweigh your church participation, look out.
Hope this wasn't too long, and obviously there's a tongue in cheek humor here, but you get my drift. Do you think the church is a good place to meet people? Share.
5 comments:
Funny & insightful article bro. I see where you are coming from. I think the church is a good place to find a mate but people must find ways to combat all the subjects you brought to light.
If we were honest with ourselves the glory goggles would only be used for God and not others because we ALL have issues.
The ration of men to women (especially in predominantly black churches)is a situation that will take at least a generation to change, but women need to be honest with themselves their is no such thing as a "Christian thug," and you ain't changing him anytime soon. You are either gonna get one or the other or neither. And men have to be honest too. It's extremely rare that a Christian Halle Berry is gonna walk through the doors of the church this Sunday (plus Halle like yourself has plenty of issues that only God can heal).
The issue of lack of common interest is something that could be alleviated if we found peace in being different but alike.We all have strengths & weaknesses, likes & dislikes. Communicating these effectively with others is the key. We are all different and that's okay. I love the fact my wife doesn't like hip hop or sports. That's her. At first it was weird but I grew to understand that it's okay to be different. We found out while dating/courting whatever you call it (outside of church) that we had common interests besides God & church.
So in conclusion, I believe the church is a great place to find a mate if you KNOW YOURSELF(and stop being so religious LOL). We each have our idiosyncrasies and most of the time your mate is going to be very different than you and similar. (AND THAT'S OKAY)
Great article!
The church can be a great place...IF you take the right approach. Too often what happens is that unrealistic expectations create real issues.
In some respects, the same approach one would have in the club should be the same in the church. In the club, you have to look past the beer goggles and the strobe light effect. (Strobe lights make everybody look good, LOL)
In the club, the ratios are similar to the church. Granted, this often due to bouncers, but the effects are similar. And lastly, just because the look good and sound great in the club, we often found that the relationship outside was a disaster.
The main thing is that we have to use wisdom. Like Thrill said...know yourself.
I never looked at church as place to find a man. When I first got in church I assumed every one was married anyway. Then I simply wasn't interested for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. Not say I don't want my husband to be a Christian bc I absolutely do and the chances we'll meet at church are very likely, but I feel like the Lord is gonna have to put a spotlight on him or something for me to know.
I agree with kita (Arienne) lol. I always assume everybody at church married so my options for getting married or even dating are elsewhere like any elsewhere. Not just b/c of glory goggles but general stigma's attached to church men. Too holy, not holy enough, only wants one thing, etc etc. Basically I wouldn't look in church for dating prospects.
Gotta be honest, I'm surprised at the female responses here. I admit that I figured most women in the church were there looking for mates because, well, that's how it's always portrayed. How many times we've heard the "I'm waiting on my husband steeze?" I think you two are anomalies.
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