Unfailing Love of God

Psalm 13

 1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
      How long will you look the other way?
 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
      with sorrow in my heart every day?
      How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
 3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
      Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
 4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
      Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

 5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 6 I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me.

I didn't post anything this past week for a few reasons. One, I didn't have Internet access during a snowstorm that brought my city to a virtual standstill. Two, the past week has been the weakest, loneliest week that I've experienced in a while.

It is interesting that I felt this way because everything around me says that things should be going well. I'd just come off an amazing weekend at the Men's Encounter where I definitely felt a breakthrough in my walk with God. I have my family, my mentors, and a great church family, but somehow I felt alone. I'd been riding the longest spiritual high I've ever had and then suddenly it was as if someone turned the lights out. I reached out to two people I trust dearly and they both told me the same thing. Relationships with God are just like relationships with people. There are highs, lows, ebbs and flows. Times we feel so connected, and times we feel distant. The key is to rest in the knowledge that the relationship exists, and is strong enough to bear you through the distant times.

Allow me to be transparent a moment. When you are recovering from a major fall in sin, there are people that you encounter, who mean well but can sometimes be frustrating. Those who are there to walk you along the path to restoration (Gal 6:1) often times, without intention I'm sure, tend to treat you with a sort of condescending pity. Most conversation with them usually revolves around them asking you how you're doing, with very concerned looks on their faces. Basically what they are saying is "Have you been sinning? Are you thinking about sinning? Are you gonna sin again?"  They mean well, and can even be helpful when needed. But building relationships with them is difficult because it is always on a 70/30 basis. They want to know everything about you and what you're going through. They rarely reveal anything about themselves, mostly because you are the one who sinned, and obviously can't be trusted, (at least this was my feeling) and so they are doing their duty as a good christian. What they don't realize is that while they've made themselves great advisers, and accountability peers, they haven't made themselves great friends. Friendship is based on an equal give and take, an equal contribution, and at times these relationships start to feel like you only talk to them when there is a problem. Or vice-versa. You start to feel like a charity case. People observe you from a distance, applaud your progress and pat you on the back, but no one really gets close or lets you into THEIR space. So this past week, I was very upset at the relationships I have in my life, because at the moment it seems that this is what they consist of. I vented this frustration to my wife and wondered, as I'm sure Job did, why God had left me alone after such great time together.

That was good advice. But not enough. I felt so distant from God that I considered that maybe everything I'd experienced in the last year was a fluke. That I was not the man I thought I'd become. I allowed the enemy to creep into my thoughts, tell me how I'd failed, how I'd regressed and was no longer worthy of God's grace. Granted it had only been a week's time. I had not committed any sinful acts and honestly was doing things the same as always. But I felt lost. I felt abandoned. I sat through service yesterday and listened to a guest preacher talk about discipleship, and the importance of leaning on each other, and I felt at that moment that I had no one to lean on.

Enter the Holy Spirit. While I was lamenting my failures, and allowing the enemy to have a field day in my mind up to the point that I was determined to cut off relationships that I knew were vital to my success. I finally decided to open my bible for my one year reading, that I'd neglected during the previous week. I came across the above passage and literally broke down. It's amazing how the Word of God can pinpoint exactly the emotion that you are feeling at a time. I dropped to my knees and begin to pray to God about what I was feeling, and in those moments of prayer it came to me that sometimes the Lord will test us to prove our worth or our resolve. This sparked a new revelation that i will touch on tomorrow but it felt as if the light had been switched back on and I'd found my place again. I felt the love of God wrap around me and I felt validated again. The lesson I learned however was that times like these are simply a sign for me to push through the darkness to the next phase. I'm glad to say that I'm back on track and feeling good again. Praise God.
Final thing. The last two versus are what pulled me out of my funk. "But I will trust in your UNFAILING LOVE. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me." These words, trusting in God's unfailing love. Rejoicing because he is good. Worshipping. It was in that moment when I realized the significance of his his assurance that he would never leave nor forsake me. Sometimes We are tested. Sometimes we have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but GOD IS ALWAYS THERE. He will never leave, nor forsake us. Even if I make my bed in hell(psalm 139:8). Praise God.

Peace.