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I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
- Fact Is (I Need You)Jill Scott
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night who was telling me that one of his goals is to get a to a point where his woman will not have to work anymore. He talked about how he mentioned this to a few women at his job and they were so appalled and offended at the fact that he wouldn't want his lady to work. As if that is a bad thing. The conclusion that we came to, is that a feminist culture has so permeated our society that women not only don't expect chivalry, they shun it.
We live in a new age, where women are independent professionals who can earn their own money, own their own homes, and drive their own Benz, all without a man. However, these same women complain about the lack of men that approach them, not realizing that a man's instinctive nature is to take care of his woman, so if I see that you have all this, what do you need me for? Now I know this might seem sexist, but ultimately it's true ladies. If you can get everything you want without a man, and boast about it, then we start to think, this lady doesn't need me. We want to give you the world, if you already own it when we come along, then what is there left to give you?
Now, I'm not naive. These are mostly material things, however some women have been single so long, they don't know how or when to let a brotha in. They want to be quick to show what they have accomplished, but thing is, we don't care. When men are looking for wives, we're not looking for is she a professional. Does she have 401k? What model and year is her car? NOPE. We look at a few things. Can she cook? Is she sexy? Will she be a good mother? Those are the assets. Everything else u bring to the table is great, but those are the main things we look for because ultimately a man says, I don't care if you got three degrees, I want to take care of you baby. I want to provide for you. I want to build this castle for you. Let me.
There is a reason why the damsel in distress is an everlasting tale. It's because we love to rescue, and be a hero for our ladies. It's not an ego thing. It's a man thing. Read about it in Wild at Heart by John Eckeridge. It's just how we're wired. If you are expecting a man to ignore how he's wired and applaud your accolades, well, it could happen, but even that man will want you to know that ultimately he wants to provide for you. I don't applaud ladies giving up the milk without making men buy the cow, but if you show up with your own pasture of cows, hows that a good look?
Think about it ladies, let men be men. It's not that men are intimidated, they just don't see where they fit in your life.
4 comments:
Excuse my lack of commenting, being that this is my first comment on one of my best friend's blog. *shame on me*...Anyway...sir, I totally understand your article. I think what has happened is that men has slacked off so hard for so long, that the women had no choice but to plan as if all men were gonna be like that.
From the women's perspective. If the grass is high, and the man says, "Yeah, I'ma cut it...yeah, I'ma cut it" and a month goes by and the grass is still high, don't be surprised if she cuts it herself. I can't blame women on this one. We, as men, have to step up chivalry as a whole. That is rare amongst us. We are the minority bruh.
I would go on a tangent, but I'm just gonna comment on this for now. LOL.
I have said that independence is overrated. But even with that said, I couldn't see myself being a housewife 365 a year. I might be tempted to try it out for a bit though and then get back to work. Maybe it was the way I was raised. No one will do it, if you don't do it. I completely agree with Jason. That's what has happened. With fathers absent in homes, there aren't enough men showing women what men are supposed to do.
Good points Jay. I agree that the lack of men taking responsibility may be a factor. However, it also seems to me that women themselves are no longer interested in being courted traditionally. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had about a man having to have certain things before he can even consider approaching a woman.
@arriene I feel u on the 365 thing. But I see it like this. What is your passion? If Nicole can not work and pursue her passion, which is music, during the days, isn't that a plus? On the flip side if your passion is to be a doctor or fashion and you want to work I say go ahead. It's about removing the need for my lady to hold down a job for us to survive.
I can't speak for all women but I don't think people in general know what traditional courtship looks like. Perhaps we all need a refresher. And I would say for a woman to say a man needs to have certain things before he approaches her is just having standards. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. I've always seen marriage as a partnership so I guess that's why I never saw not working as an option. But I understand that being a mother is a full time job so having the option to stay at home is awesome.
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