You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
I read this passage from The Prophet with my wife last night. I found it an interesting take on how to behave and ultimtely thrive in marriage. In other words marriage brings you together, but to survive requires the space to be who you are.
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Showing posts with label MARRIAGE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MARRIAGE. Show all posts
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
BEWARE: THE ANTI-WIFE
Prov 7
21 So she seduced him with her pretty speech
and enticed him with her flattery.
22 He followed her at once,
like an ox going to the slaughter.
He was like a stag caught in a trap,
23 awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart.
He was like a bird flying into a snare,
little knowing it would cost him his life.
We've all come in contact with her. She's an old college friend. An ex high school sweetheart. A coworker. She's who you check your facebook and twitter for three or four times in the hour to see if she responded to your witty posts. She's the one you share inside jokes with in private IM's, or during shared lunch breaks. She gets all your jokes. She understands you. She speaks the "guy language". She's "not like other women." You think about her when you're away from her, and wonder what it'd be like if you two got together. You begin to conjure up scenarios where it could possibly happen. A business trip. A class reunion. A "working" dinner after hours. You know who she is. She's just a friend. No, she's not. She's the Anti-Wife. I've come to a recent realization. And by recent, I mean last night. My wife and I argue. Every couple does they say. When we argue there's usually a period of silence that follows where she's not talking to me or vice-versa. It was during these times, that I would always find myself entertaining my Anti-wife.
Similar to the Anti-Christ, the Anti-wife is just that because of her ability to seemingly be all things to all men. She sneaks in when your wife is pregnant and doesn't feel attractive, and reminds you how sexy she is. She waltzes with easy conversation and laughs during turbulent married times when all it seem you do is fight with your wife. She says all the right things. Wears all the right things. Always agrees with you, and EVEN gives you advice about your wife. She seems to have the careful balance of knowing about women AND men. She knows what you want and can express in better terms than you. She makes you feel like a man. Like you matter. Like a king. And she makes you wonder why your wife isn't more like her. She makes you wonder why you didn't meet her first. She makes you wonder and feel that if "anything ever happened" between you and your wife, that she'd be the first person you call. It's a match made in heaven. So it seems.
You see, I know the anti-wife very well. She was my high school sweetheart. The first sexual relationship I ever had. Willing to do anything and everything. The relationship that never got closure we just went separate ways. Until social networking made the world a lot smaller. Years passed made it difficult for me to remember how much spiritual turmoil she caused me. Why i ran in the first place. How I lost my virginity and regretted it since. How she thought she was pregnant. I told my parents. She never mentioned it to hers. How she ruined EVERY relationship I've ever been in by her willingness to be available at anytime. Any place. How I'd almost been killed by jealous boyfriends over her. And my weakness to realize what i finally came to the conclusion of last night. She has been assigned to me. She's my anti-wife.
You see, Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 lay out real clear who the anti-wife is. Honey dripping lips. Talk as smooth as oil. Beautiful. Seductive. It also describes her as brash. Rebellious. Sly of heart. Her victims? Naive young men who lack common sense(Proverbs 7:7). Me. I had been so naive, and since recovering from my last traipse with this vixen, I've found myself being enticed by the nostalgia of our encounters again. Ironically (not) I'm in the midst of a hard time with my wife, due to these same trysts. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I woke up this morning with a fervency and anger after having dreamed about her and being consumed with thoughts of her. I was angry at myself. At how she was making my wife look second rate. When I knew that was NOT the case. At how I was wondering subconsciously if I still had feelings for her when i KNOW i do not. How she had never really been THAT bad and just needed a good man to show her how a woman should be treated. WHAT!?!?!
NO! This woman is not my wife! She is a fake! A fraud! Her prime goal is to seduce, bamboozle, swindle, and lure me away from my prized possession! She is the deceiver. The tempter! The lion seeking whom she may devour. She is the lawless one. The ADVERSARY! THE ENEMY! THE MOTHER AND PRODUCER OF LIES! RUN FROM HER! I got up and prayed with fervency at the revelation that she was not an old friend, she was assigned to me to take me out! To reduce my will, lure me off the path of righteousness and into her doorway that leads to death! This is serious business.
Proverbs 31 describes in great detail the virtue of a WIFE. A true wife. He who findeth one finds a good thing and OBTAINS favor of the Lord. It is also a STARK contrast compared to proverbs 5,6,and 7. The anti-wife promises pleasure but only brings pain! She promises comfort, adoration, admiration, and affirmation! SHE BRINGS RUIN! TORMENT! Her root is lust. Her goal is deceit and ultimately death. SHUT HER OFF! Cut her down! Flee from her!
Brothers understand that our marriages are constantly under attack and any relationship with a woman outside of your wife can develop into a detriment to your holy united entity. Don't let it happen to you. Keep your marriage protected and safe. Don't let the enemy creep in between you. He wants to isolate you from your wife so that you begin to look elsewhere. The anti-wife will look, sound, and even feel like the real thing but she is poison! BEWARE!
PROVERBS 31
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
21 So she seduced him with her pretty speech
and enticed him with her flattery.
22 He followed her at once,
like an ox going to the slaughter.
He was like a stag caught in a trap,
23 awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart.
He was like a bird flying into a snare,
little knowing it would cost him his life.
We've all come in contact with her. She's an old college friend. An ex high school sweetheart. A coworker. She's who you check your facebook and twitter for three or four times in the hour to see if she responded to your witty posts. She's the one you share inside jokes with in private IM's, or during shared lunch breaks. She gets all your jokes. She understands you. She speaks the "guy language". She's "not like other women." You think about her when you're away from her, and wonder what it'd be like if you two got together. You begin to conjure up scenarios where it could possibly happen. A business trip. A class reunion. A "working" dinner after hours. You know who she is. She's just a friend. No, she's not. She's the Anti-Wife. I've come to a recent realization. And by recent, I mean last night. My wife and I argue. Every couple does they say. When we argue there's usually a period of silence that follows where she's not talking to me or vice-versa. It was during these times, that I would always find myself entertaining my Anti-wife.
Similar to the Anti-Christ, the Anti-wife is just that because of her ability to seemingly be all things to all men. She sneaks in when your wife is pregnant and doesn't feel attractive, and reminds you how sexy she is. She waltzes with easy conversation and laughs during turbulent married times when all it seem you do is fight with your wife. She says all the right things. Wears all the right things. Always agrees with you, and EVEN gives you advice about your wife. She seems to have the careful balance of knowing about women AND men. She knows what you want and can express in better terms than you. She makes you feel like a man. Like you matter. Like a king. And she makes you wonder why your wife isn't more like her. She makes you wonder why you didn't meet her first. She makes you wonder and feel that if "anything ever happened" between you and your wife, that she'd be the first person you call. It's a match made in heaven. So it seems.
You see, I know the anti-wife very well. She was my high school sweetheart. The first sexual relationship I ever had. Willing to do anything and everything. The relationship that never got closure we just went separate ways. Until social networking made the world a lot smaller. Years passed made it difficult for me to remember how much spiritual turmoil she caused me. Why i ran in the first place. How I lost my virginity and regretted it since. How she thought she was pregnant. I told my parents. She never mentioned it to hers. How she ruined EVERY relationship I've ever been in by her willingness to be available at anytime. Any place. How I'd almost been killed by jealous boyfriends over her. And my weakness to realize what i finally came to the conclusion of last night. She has been assigned to me. She's my anti-wife.
You see, Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 lay out real clear who the anti-wife is. Honey dripping lips. Talk as smooth as oil. Beautiful. Seductive. It also describes her as brash. Rebellious. Sly of heart. Her victims? Naive young men who lack common sense(Proverbs 7:7). Me. I had been so naive, and since recovering from my last traipse with this vixen, I've found myself being enticed by the nostalgia of our encounters again. Ironically (not) I'm in the midst of a hard time with my wife, due to these same trysts. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I woke up this morning with a fervency and anger after having dreamed about her and being consumed with thoughts of her. I was angry at myself. At how she was making my wife look second rate. When I knew that was NOT the case. At how I was wondering subconsciously if I still had feelings for her when i KNOW i do not. How she had never really been THAT bad and just needed a good man to show her how a woman should be treated. WHAT!?!?!
NO! This woman is not my wife! She is a fake! A fraud! Her prime goal is to seduce, bamboozle, swindle, and lure me away from my prized possession! She is the deceiver. The tempter! The lion seeking whom she may devour. She is the lawless one. The ADVERSARY! THE ENEMY! THE MOTHER AND PRODUCER OF LIES! RUN FROM HER! I got up and prayed with fervency at the revelation that she was not an old friend, she was assigned to me to take me out! To reduce my will, lure me off the path of righteousness and into her doorway that leads to death! This is serious business.
Proverbs 31 describes in great detail the virtue of a WIFE. A true wife. He who findeth one finds a good thing and OBTAINS favor of the Lord. It is also a STARK contrast compared to proverbs 5,6,and 7. The anti-wife promises pleasure but only brings pain! She promises comfort, adoration, admiration, and affirmation! SHE BRINGS RUIN! TORMENT! Her root is lust. Her goal is deceit and ultimately death. SHUT HER OFF! Cut her down! Flee from her!
Brothers understand that our marriages are constantly under attack and any relationship with a woman outside of your wife can develop into a detriment to your holy united entity. Don't let it happen to you. Keep your marriage protected and safe. Don't let the enemy creep in between you. He wants to isolate you from your wife so that you begin to look elsewhere. The anti-wife will look, sound, and even feel like the real thing but she is poison! BEWARE!
PROVERBS 31
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Destroying the Ball and Chain
Marriage is under attack. I was trying to figure out how to start today's post, but I can't think of any other way than to say, marriage is under attack. I know, old news right? But even though we've heard this before, as someone who has been on the brink of losing my marriage, through my own selfish actions, I realized that I had succumbed to some very erroneous logic that caused me to be a less than stellar husband to my wife. Since my confession, and repentance, I strive to live up to the ultimate example of husbandry, our Lord Jesus Christ. Don't wanna sound like I've made it, because I haven't. But everyday I'm taking responsibility for my actions and seeking to love my wife as I should and be a good steward of my house. That being said, I wanted to explore some of the logic I'm speaking of that has led me and many other men astray.
First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood. Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me. I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.
But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.
Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.
Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.
The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?
Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.
First off, marriage is probably the most important decision a person makes in life. Choosing a wife should not be done carelessly or without making sure we as men know the person we're choosing to marry, but more importantly that we know OURSELVES. This knowledge of self will help you evaluate whether or not you are even ready to be a man, let alone carry a wife and family. Maturity does not come with age, but through the acceptance of responsibility, as it is with manhood. Had I carefully examined myself and motives I would have saved my wife and children the heartache of suffering through my failures as an immature "man-child". I would have listened when the Lord was warning me I was not ready, on the day of my wedding, as I hyperventilated while my best friend attempted to encourage me. I was not honest with him, or myself on that day, and it would be a long road, and harsh fall before I would finally admit my lack of maturity, selfishness, and sinful nature.
But on to my point. Three things that I fell trap to, that I also see some other men fall to as well: The ball and chain mentality, married but living single, and the fantasy of something more. These three are the main holes in our mentality towards marriage that undermines our manhood, and our ability to lead our homes properly.
Ball and Chain
When I got married, I almost immediately felt the burden of my responsibility. I was 22 years old, a college dropout and working a dead end job. My mentality was that now married, I was destined to continue this joyless future for the rest of my life. It caused such contempt between my wife and I that it took a toll on every aspect of our marriage. This mentality carried over into the birth of my daughter as I viewed the early birth as a hindrance to my future.
Married But Living Single
It is no secret that a married man becomes suddenly more attractive to women. However, in my case, because of the strain of my relationship at home, I would indulge in flirting, getting into personal conversations and other interactions with women that eventually led to my demise. A married man must decide to be married and that's it. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Fantasy of Something More
Again, because of the strain at home, I began to fantasize of the day when my marriage would eventually be over and I would marry the "woman of my dreams". The woman that would understand me, and listen, and respect me. Obviously I placed myself high above my wife and thought that she should just comply even though I was doing nothing to treat her the way I should. How flawed was my thinking.
The TRUTH is, there is so much freedom in marriage, IF YOU ACCEPT THE DECISION THAT YOU'VE MADE. If you constantly regret, or lash out or try to change the rules of marriage, you will be perpetually unhappy and eventually come to a demise, losing everything. Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I can attest to that. But why let it get that far?
Marriage holds tremendous freedom for those who make the right decision and embrace it. You never have to worry about a date, freedom from celibacy, freedom to be your complete and whole self, and the freedom to build a life and future away from your birth family. If you've decided to be married, ACT MARRIED. LIVE MARRIED. Otherwise you will feel confined and the ball and chain will eventually drag you down.
Peace.
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